Performing a Rite for the Angel of Filk

[Rocket Man]

... Otherwise known as some In Nomine parodies I've had knocking around for a little while and was delusional enough to want to share.

This first one is sung to the Village People's "In the Navy." I expect to see it in the Steve Jackson television ads any time now. ;)

PRONOUNCIATION NOTE: It's more obvious when you sing it than when you read it, but in the chorus, the game is sung "IN No-MIH-Nay," to the rhythm of "IN the NAY-vee"

In Nomine
(To the tune of "In the Navy" by the Village People)

Soldier, if you've found
This great big world around
Has so much more than you can see,
Why not come along
And raise your voice in Song
And rock out to the Symphony?

You can tempt with pleasure,
Covet lots of treasure,
Descend into Gluttony,
Or you can reach much higher,
Share God's holy Fire,
Lead man to his Destiny,

In Nom-i-ne!
You can march inside your dreams,
In Nom-i-ne!
Or build nightmares full of screams,
In Nom-i-ne!
Choose a Choir or a Band,
In Nom-i-ne! In Nom-i-ne!
Can't you see we need a hand?

In Nom-i-ne!
You can walk along with man,
In Nom-i-Ne!
You can save or you can damn,
In Nom-i-ne!
Serve or fight God's holy plan
In Nom-i-ne! In Nom-i-ne!

(Angels and demons): "We want you! We want you! We want you as a new recruit!"

If you like adventure,
Don't you want to enter,
There's a War that needs you fast,
Don't you hesitate,
Or else you'll meet your Fate,
When Armageddon comes at last!

Come and find a Tether,
And we'll stand together,
With the saints or the undead,
How could you resist this?
Think if you had missed this,
And just stayed at home in bed!

In Nom-i-ne!
You can risk your very soul,
In Nom-i-ne!
Be Redeemed or quickly Fall,
In Nom-i-ne!
Be Outcast from holy aid,
In Nom-i-ne! In Nom-i-Ne!
Or a repentant Renegade!

In Nom-i-ne!
Get a Word and take a stand!
In Nom-i-ne!
For your cursed or promised land!
In Nom-i-ne!
It's a cause, not just a brand!
In Nom-i-ne! In Nom-i-ne!

(Angels and demons, fadeout: "We want you, we want you, we want you as a new recruit...")

Eli: (spoken) "Cool tune. I ought to tell my friends in the Village about it."

[Rocket Man]

This one, meanwhile, came on a night when I'd played a little too much IN and listened to a little too much Southern Rock. :)

Give Me Three 1's
(Sung to the tune of "Give Me Three Steps" by Lynyrd Skynyrd)


Well, I was spending the night with a cute Ofanite,
And I'd stepped out for a beer,
Then I came back to the door, and my jaw hit the floor,
'Cause a Calabite was standin' here!

She said "Hey, there, fella, with the halo that's yella,
Whatcha going to do?
'Cause I just had my Fall and I now serve Baal,
"And this might be all for you."
(I said "Excuse me ...")

Well, I was scared and fearing for my life,
'Cause she was grinnin' like a shark in the sea,
She was lean and mean, and big and bad and
Oh-so-full of entropy!

I said "Wait a minute, sister, I used to be your mister,"
She said "That's cutting no ice."
And then somewhere up above me, I heard somebody speaking,
And the sound of rattlin' dice!

It said "Give me three 1's, give me Intervention,
Give me three 1s on this roll,
Give me three 1s, 'cause it's my intention
To save both my hide and soul."

Well my gal spread a grin and my chances were thin,
As I tried just to get away,
'Cause she was calling her boss and I would be lost,
Unless these dice came up my way!

As she turned and screamed, I heard them roll,
It was the break I'd been looking for,
The dice came up divine, and victory was mine,
And I said as Lightning struck the floor,

"I got three 1s, I got Intervention,
I got three 1s on this roll,
I got three 1s, and I just might mention,
It's not my head that's goin' to roll!"

[Rocket Man]

Yet another contribution to the In Nomine parody songbook. Thank goodness Israfel hasn't hit me with any Discord yet...


"Uriel"

(An In Nomine parody, sung to Laura Branigan's "Gloria")

Uriel, you're off on a Crusade now,
Running after pagan dreams,
You say you'll get them somehow,

But every one you mow down,
In the name of Purity,
Leaves Heaven heading for a breakdown,
So be careful of your surety,

And now that you're on trial,
For all the spirits you left dead,
Someone up above your head,
Is calling "Uriel!"

Uriel!
I know that you're not Falling,
But not everybody wants you,
To keep up the spirit-mauling!
And now you have to answer,
Before the Heavens speak their mind,
Calling "Uriel!"

Uriel! (Uriel!)
No one can count the number (Uriel!)
Of how many Ethereals (Uriel!)
That you've been plowing under (Uriel!)
I know that you're Commander,
And we know how well you've led,
But now Blandine is turning red,
She's yelling "Uriel!"

A-ha-ha, a-ha-ha,
Uriel, how's it gonna go down,
Will those spirits simply hide out,
Or run to Beleth on the rebound?

Once the merry and the funny
Graced the Vale with their faerie tunes,
Now we see them all slippin' away,
Don't believe they're comin' back soon,

You claim you're a defender,
Chasing sin from mankind's head,
But now your own Commander's said,
"Come here, Uriel!"

Uriel!
How many now are Falling,
As they tried to help your Tsyadim,
Pursue their zealous calling?
And do you have to answer
For this warfare in the mind,
Labeled "Uriel"?

Uriel! (Uriel!)
No can count the number (Uriel!)
Of how many Ethereals (Uriel!)
That you've left cleft asunder (Uriel!)
And I really have to wonder,
How many spirits that are dead
Could have served Heaven instead
Of fighting Uriel?

(Fadeout on Judgment angels singing "Uriel! Uriel! Uriel, Uriel! Uriel! ...)

[Rocket Man]

Having done Purity, it's time for the parodists to hit David and his followers...

Hit 'Em Back
(An In Nomine parody, sung to Olivia Newton-John's "Heart Attack")

My Word is Stone,
My vows are clear,
No guns or coward's weapons here.
I'm looking at Hell,
It's laughing at me,
They must think that I'm a patsy.

But just throw a punch,
And then I'll have you for lunch,
Because -- I hit 'em back!
I take the swing and hit 'em back!
I hit 'em back!
I kill 'em all when I react!

Teach those demons to fear Heaven
With a single blow ...

Yes, I'll be your death,
It's not a bad dream,
I'll be the last thing that you've ever seen.
Cause Stone may be slow,
But it sure is true,
It's gonna be the death of you.

Just take your best shot,
Give it all that you've got,
Just know -- I'll hit ya back!
I'll wind right up and hit ya back!
I hit 'em back!
I guarantee I hit 'em back!

Chalk up one more win for Heaven,
What a way to go ....

I hit 'em back!
They mess with me, I hit 'em back!
I hit 'em back!
I guarantee I hit 'em back!
I hit 'em back!
I bide my time and hit 'em back!
I hit 'em back!
'Cause it's no crime to hit 'em back!
I hit 'em back!
You're gonna see I hit 'em back!
I hit 'em back! .... (fade out)

[ISNorden]

Bravo! Keep 'em coming; that Angel of Music IST Laughter must have your number on speed dial. *raises a virtual lighter in your direction*

[Rocket Man]

Here's one from the infernal side of the street, inspired by the Prince of the Media:


Click-Click, “Try It!”

(To the tune of “Zoot Suit Riot" by the Cherry Poppin Daddies)


Who's that guy with the stoplight hair?
It's ol' Nybbas and he's on the air,
Watched by bankers and Bowery bums,
Look out, Neilsen, here he comes!


He'll entertain your eyes while
He steals away your soul,
He'll leave you hypnotized, tied
To that remote control!


Click-click, “Try it!” ("Try it!")
“Come try our bargains on beer!”
Click-click, “Try it!” ("Try it!")
“You'll get the girls and a charming veneer!”

Click-click, “Try it!” ("Try it!")
“Watch the hottest show of the year!”
Click-click, “Try it!” ("Try it!")
“Spend the day on your big fat rear!”
(Shouted: "TiVo, Daddy!")

A thin-boned, spectacled bow-tied man,
Who sells for Hell on the installment plan,
Watch him work and then you'll understand,
Why Movie-Land is in his hand!

He'll take your mind away and
He'll give your greed a shove,
He'll sell you glitz and glam, and
He'll claim it's really love!


Click-click ,“Try it!” ("Try it!")
“Why watch a show that's sincere?”
Click-click, “Try it!” ("Try it!")
“When you've got Cheers re-runs over here?”

(Brass bridge)
Just give a click-click, try it!
You know it looks slick, try it!
It's such a cool kick, try it!

(Drums begin)

He's got Fox now,
He's got NBC,
He owns the cable
And satellite TV,
He's got hate radio,
And Phil Donahue,
“Heroes” and “Smallville,”
They're his, too!

(Main theme resumes)

He's got you all the day, as
He reprograms your brain,
Until all you can say,
Is his favorite refrain!

Click-click, “Try it!” ("Try it!")
“Try all these flashy new fads!”
Click-click, “Try it!” ("Try it!")
“Then get your orders from me in the ads!”

Click-click, “Try it!” ("Try it!")
“Come numb your heart and your soul!”
Click-click, “Try it!” ("Try it!")
“Let the airwaves devour you whole!”

(Final brass bridge)

Just give a click-click, try it!
You'll be the hit pick, try it!
You'll make your friends sick, try it!

(Voiceover as final chords play)

“My name is Nybbas and I approved this message.”

[Rocket Man]

Our descent into parody continues with this "tribute" to Novalis, inspired by a cuddle-loving GM who once wondered out loud "What if they had an angel of ..."

Well, you'll find out.

Hey, There, Novalis
(To the tune of "Hey, There, Delilah," by the Plain White T's)

Hey, there, Novalis, can you come to Heaven's City?
Laurence called a Council meeting and it really is a pity,
But it's true,
He's just a bit perturbed with you.
(What can you do?)

The Word that you proposed did not go over well,
Even Jean choked on his coffee and Michael just wants to tell
If you're on drugs,
Since you proposed the Word of Hugs.
(They're draining mugs.)

Dom will call it Heresy,
Yves just calls it Destiny,
No one's sure just what you see,
Or what's next if they agree,
A Snuggle Word, maybe?

Hey, there, Novalis, yes, we know your Word is Flowers,
But your latest call for peace and love has tied us up for hours
In a knot,
All useful work has gone to pot,
So, thanks a lot.

The Malakim aren't sure just how this battles Hell,
And while the Cherubs and Mercurians both like a really well-adored embrace,
They're not sure this is quite its place,
Come save some face.

Oh, Novalis, don't you see
What you've done to unity?
Janus split his sides with glee
At all the chaos presently,

A friendly hug may be OK,
But you'll never get them all to say
It's a weapon that could finally win the War.
The demons would make fun of us,
They'd laugh their damned heads off because
They'd see "hippy-dippy cuddle wimps" galore,
Novalis, oh, I promise you,
That if this latest Word gets through,
The War will never, ever be the same!
(Is that your game?)


Hey, there, Novalis, I'm so awfully tired of fighting,
I could really use a hug myself instead of just inciting more debate,
That wouldn't be an awful Fate.
Do you suppose that you could wait?
I know it's getting kind of late ...
Mmm, that feels great.

Oh, it's really clear to see,
You think hugs bring victory.
Oh, another hug or three,
Could persuade me to agree,
So keep on huggin' me.

Mmmmm, mmmmmm.....

[ISNorden]

*holds up a virtual lighter in Rocket Man's direction* Woohoo!

Now for a little house-rules filk inspired by events in my current campaign...

"Triple 3" (to the tune of "Let it Be" by the Beatles)

When I wondered how the Marches' power intervened,
it came to me--
Someone must have rolled
A triple 3.

Yes, our house rules say Ethereals
Can show themselves infrequently
When a roll results
In triple 3.

Triple 3, triple 3,
triple 3, triple 3--
Answer from the Marches,
triple 3.

Like that girl we saw in San Francisco
(Murdered, she turned out to be)--
Met her when I rolled
A triple 3.

When our Domination found a bar
Was haunted unexpectedly,
He saw the dice had come up
triple 3.

Triple 3, triple 3,
triple 3, triple 3--
Answer from the Marches,
triple 3.

Triple 3, triple 3,
triple 3, triple 3--
Expect the unexpected,
triple 3.

Triple 3, triple 3,
a triple 3, yeah, triple 3--
Hand of unknown spirits,
triple 3.

And we were saved by lucky shots
thanks to a pagan NPC:
Asgard-guided missiles,
triple 3.

Yes, there's a third side in the War,
that strangeness keeps reminding me
Ev'ry time the dice
show triple 3.

Oh, triple 3, triple 3,
triple 3, triple 3--
it's not from Hell or Heaven,
triple 3.

Triple 3, triple 3,
triple 3, yeah, triple 3--
The house rules add a twist
With triple 3.

[Rocket Man]

Our campaign hit a long stretch of Infernal Interventions at one point -- not a good thing in an angel-centered game! It actually reached the point where our GM tried a new dice program ... and where it finally resulted in this song in "honor" of all those triple-sixes. (kudos to ISNorden for the original inspiration and the spellcheck).

Freight Train from Hell
To the tune of "Highway to Hell" by AC/DC

It was easy as could be,
Taking demons on a one-way ride,
Nowhere left to hide or flee,
Yeah, that Habbalite sure was fried!
Tried to Smite just one more time,
But then the flames all strangely blew,
Then I found -- what a crime!
My friends were quickly burnin' too!

We rolled the freight train from Hell ...

Three sixes, no limit,
Nothing ever slows it down,
Meet a person, Evil spins it,
Lets a Shedite go to town!
Then Satan takes a Djinn,
Pumps him up like Superman,
Hey, GM, take those dice,
Throw them away in the garbage can!

They're rollin' freight trains from Hell.
(Three sixes!)
And our luck is down, all the way down,
Keeps rollin' freight trains from Hell.

[Rocket Man]

Back to the IN songbook after a long vacation. Dominic, it's your turn at the mike. Have at it!

Discord and Dissonance
(To the tune of "Incense and Peppermints" by Strawberry Alarm Clock)

I sense dissonance cripplin' our kind,
Can't hide it inside, just be resigned,
Inquisition, repetition, what will we find?
Sins dense with dissonance deep in your mind?

You there! You've just been accused!
You don't dare to run, you don't dare refuse!

Discord and dissonance can't be allowed,
Come on, give in, let my eyes surround,

They look in your soul, look in your soul, (yeah yeah)
They look in your soul, look in your soul. (yeah yeah yeah)

Stand aside, have you spied Eli today?
He left tension, never mentioned why he won't stay,
War angels, Fire angels, all seem the same,
Conflicts, lunatics, they drive me insane!

They all seem so confused,
Don't they see how, much there is to lose?

I sense dissonance cripplin' our kind,
It rings, quickly brings pain to my mind,
They think I'm a fink, heart like a stone,
Don't see the Truth of me -- I'm so alone.

Seem stern as I accuse,
I so need to win, I so fear to lose.

Pretense is my defence,
Pretense is my defence.

("Sha la la" fadeout ...)