Favorite Gnomco Products

[martinl]

Originally Posted by Kromm

Universal Multitool™

Crit fails probably result in the user folding out an aggressive tentacle instead of the tool they wanted, wight?

[Kromm]

Originally Posted by martinl

Crit fails probably result in the user folding out an aggressive tentacle instead of the tool they wanted, wight?

Too predictable!

On any critical failure on a task (e.g., Armory, Forced Entry, Lockpicking, or Surgery roll) using the Universal Multitool™, assess the usual critical-failure result and roll 3d:

3 – Universal Multitool™ accidentally cuts a hole in reality. An Elder Thing of the GM's choosing steps through and attacks.
4, 5 – Universal Multitool™ extrudes an Eldritch Tentacle (see Against the Rat-Men, p. 19). Tool cannot be recovered until this is defeated, though it can be left there, if the owner doesn't mind parting with a $51,000 item. Tentacle's first attack on the wielder is always a surprise attack.
6, 7 – Universal Multitool™ warps reality subtly. Person carrying it suffers from Weirdness Magnet for 1d days. If not carried by anyone, the timer doesn't advance – 1d days of weirdness must afflict someone.
8 – Universal Multitool™ does something unspeakable. User must roll a Fright Check.
9, 10, 11 – Normal critical-failure result only.
12, 13 – Universal Multitool™ emits an otherworldly squeal. Roll at once for wandering monsters, at +3 if there's any chance of Elder Things appearing.
14 – Universal Multitool™ folds in upon itself and won't work for 1d days.
15 – Universal Multitool™ extrudes the wrong tool. Object being repaired, person being repaired if using Surgery, or the user's hand in other cases suffers 2d HP of injury or the usual damage from a critical failure, whichever is worse.
16 – As 15, but injury is 3d HP.
17 – Universal Multitool™ accidentally cuts a hole in reality, falls through, and is lost forever. (If the owner has Signature Gear, they may opt to jump through after it. Alone. Outside Time and Space, where the Elder Things are.)
18 – As 17, except the owner is dragged along with the tool. Roll vs. DX to let go in time. Failure means ending up Outside Time and Space.

[(E)]

The Gnomco Bag of Solving*
"This convenient bag can solve all a delvers problems"
To use this fantastic product simply place an existing magical item inside it and complain loudly about your problems. Then is a puff of presumably non-toxic smoke your item has now been transmogrified into an improved** version suitable for the problem at hand.

"Don't believe us? Just listen to these testimonials from our several satisfied customers"

"I am more than satisfied with my bag of solving, it enabled me to over come evil runes by turning my masterwork orichalium elven boots of speed into open toed goblin sandles of complete illiteracy"
Former mage, Gilgote Villerfield.

"I used my bag of solving to defeat, do I read that bit there?, the fell seductress of Praktis Keep, in less than thirty seconds I was able to turn my invulnerable dragon scale mail armour of wonder into a wingman's Hawaiian shirt that can and still does deflect the interest of women to the person next to me" "I get the remove curse scroll now don't I..."
Bravor Wilfsonson, Knight, last survivor of the raid on Praktis Keep

"But wait that's not all, buy now and you will also receive these fine selection of tools for delvers on the go!"
"This selection includes one oak 10 foot pole (1/10th scale), two bamboo square cross section wands of nothingness, a wax wand of light (Ignition required) and this glove of holding"

*produced under licence in conjunction with the cursed clerics of Murfeeslore.

**The definition of improved used here is consistent with the definition provided in the Webstairs dictunry of Nurth Thaler.

*** Gnomco does not accept liability for the loss of lung function caused by excessive use of this item.

**** Gnomco does not accept liability for the loss of other magical items consumed in the proper use of its product.

[martinl]

Gnomco Almost-Mayonnaise (TM)

Scourge yourself with Gnomco Almost-Mayonnaise to improve any divine reaction roll! Look up the damage on the speed range table "yards" column to determine the effective bonus.

This product replaces the Gnomco Miracle-Whip, which got us in trouble with the barristers of the merchant's guild.

[evileeyore]

Originally Posted by martinl

Gnomco Almost-Mayonnaise (TM)

Nice.

Scourge yourself with Gnomco Almost-Mayonnaise to improve any divine reaction roll! Look up the damage on the speed range table "yards" column to determine the effective bonus.

Harsh but fair.

This product replaces the Gnomco Miracle-Whip, which got us in trouble with the barristers of the merchant's guild.

Likewise, Gnomco is no longer even allowed to reference their once famous product Barrister In A Can which to use you simply stuffed the barrister into the can dropped it into a hole and then buried it over.

[martinl]

Gnomco Gnomcoco (TM)

Treat yourself with Gnomco Gnomcoco to greatly improve any delving experience! Its rich, dark, and vaguely greasy flavor will re-invigorate tired and cold delvers, restoring 1 FP lost from effort, 1 FP lost from starvation, and up to 3 FP lost to cold based effects. Also roll vs Will at -3 or aquire Bloodlust for the next 1d6 hours, or upgrade exsting bloodlust with berserk.

No chocolate is too dark for Gnomco! May contain trace amounts of hellgnome.

[Harald387]

GNOMCO THROWABLE MANA REDISTRIBUTOR

Enemy wizards got you down? Tired of that reptile-man shaman getting his friends hopped up to the nictitating membranes on magical goop before sending them out to fight? Never let it be said that Gnomco couldn't provide a solution! When thrown, this little gizmo will drain all of the mana from an area, then explode in a flash of energy that eight out of ten tests proved would not rip a hole in space or time. Best of all, there are almost no permanent aftereffects! Available now for the low, low price of 75 silver pieces, get your Throwable Mana Redistributor today!

Gnomco and its affiliate brands are not responsible for any permanent, impermanent, or existential damage caused by the incorrect or correct use of this product. Not recommended for use by children, the elderly, pregnant women, pregnant men, halflings, hobbits, primates, or their evolutionary descendants. DO NOT INGEST. If ingested, do not attempt to contact Gnomco support or poison control. Seeing a cleric also probably won't help, sorry.

This version of a Bottled Explosion (DFMI p21) drains mana from an area before exploding in a blast of reality-eating energy. On the turn this is thrown, the mana level (Spells p8) in the area drops by one. The mana level continues to drop by one level per turn until it reaches No Mana; the turn after that, an explosion dealing corrosive damage centers on the hex where the bottle landed. Unshaken, the area affected by the mana drain is 2 hexes and damage is 1d per mana level drained (2d in Normal Mana). Shaken for one turn, area is 4 hexes and damage is 2d per mana level drained; shaken for two turns, the area is 8 hexes and damage is 4d per mana level drained! After the explosion, the mana level in the area returns to its normal state. Rumors that these can open tears in reality are mostly rumors; the GM may decide to impose consequences for overuse. $1500, 1 lb.

[martinl]

Originally Posted by Harald387

GNOMCO THROWABLE MANA REDISTRIBUTOR

... Awesome creation sir!

Is there one that depletes Nature's Strength down to -10 and then explodes in a mass of angry squidbits?

[Bruno]

Originally Posted by martinl

... Awesome creation sir!

Is there one that depletes Nature's Strength down to -10 and then explodes in a mass of angry squidbits?

A ball of enraged squirrels.

[martinl]

Originally Posted by Bruno

A ball of enraged squirrels.

...Why isn't "Explosive Squirrelball" already in Magic? Seems like a trope we need to support.