Need ideas for non-game-breaking unique artifacts

[robkelk]

As the subject line implies, the PCs in my campaign have recently been taken under Eli's wing. We all know the stereotype that anything the Archangel of Creation touches becomes an artifact, so I'm going to need a few (dozen) casual goodies to make the angels' lives more surreal as the campaign progresses and they meet with Eli on an irregular basis. Since this may end up as a running gag, I don't want anything too powerful...

They've only met him once so far, while he was visiting Manhattan. After the close proximity of a Triad made Eli want to leave (what he's been doing in my game for the last few decades is in direct opposition to one of Dominic's bigger judgments), he took the PCs to Chicago, where he asked whether anyone wanted pizza. The Mercurian of Trade who used to be a Creationer asked Eli to make him one with everything - he got a comment that they weren't Zen and a pizza box holding one with everything. Since they haven't eaten the slices topped with hard vacuum, the Chrysler Building, or Lilith's Dissonance Conditions (to name three), there's still plenty of pizza in the box... but only one slice can be removed at a time. (Nobody's strong enough to lift everything at once. Lifting a pizza box is relatively easy.) Essentially, they've got an Ever-Full Box of Chicago-style-pizza.

That's the level of power I'm hoping for... Any suggestions?

[Jason]

If this is going to be the result of Eli just touching or handing over mundane objects, some things that come to mind include...

Hand Sanitizer or moisturizer with an especially potent variant on the Corporeal Song of Purity. Your hands will glow. Really.

A map of the L that shows the trains moving around on it. Opening up the map to look at it occasionally kicks out sparks and rattling noises (or, if you prefer, a soft "choo choo" noise).

A three-dollar bill depicting President James K. Polk. If the PCs try to use it, they will calmly be told, "Your money's no good here." Rarely, this may actually result in free stuff (especially doughnuts).

A keyring with three keys on it. It's extremely cold. The keys are entirely mundane. If the PCs happen to pass by any news stands, they may notice a headline: "Astronomers dumbfounded by Saturn's missing ring."

[Acolyte]

Sounds like a lot of fun!

Another zany idea would be to create a large number of Talisman/6s for non-game-related skills. For example, a ribbon on a stick used for ribbon dancing absentmindedly twirled by Eli might very well become a Talisman (Ribbon Dancing/6). A Microwave with Cooking/6 also work, or a Pillowcase of Lovemaking/6.

Yet another way to prevent game-breakingness would be to tie these artifacts into limited-use items. Chapstick absentmindedly used by Eli might become a tube relic containing the Corporeal Song of Shields that has to be applied to the lips (sure to annoy any angel who takes itself too seriously), but can only be used a few times before the chapstick is gone. A bar of soap might contain the Song of Purity, or a bottle of rum the Song of Sensation.

Yet a third limitation Eli might put on his items without really thinking about it exists in canon already--from the mysterious painting relic mentioned in A Bright Dream that can't be used by anyone other than a tortured artist. Various other implements might only be activated by truly creative people (possibly requiring successful Artistry, Singing, Dancing, or Musical Instrument rolls).

If you have L. Reliquarum, a good quick idea to generate a weird Elifact would be to take a normal artifact and bind the power into a completely different item. For an example, LR has some stats for a magic 8-ball. It might be interesting to have those powers bound into a bowl of alphabet soup that when stirred and asked a question pops up with an answer like "signs point to yes."

For truly unique items Eli might create...

You've already got one limitless item, but I sense Eli's hand behind the story of the widow at Zaraphath (the oil and flour never running out). I can see him granting starving artists endless paint jars or an easel that always has just...one...more...sheet.

On the same note, I can see Eli granting a heavily-used palette some degree of divination power--paint long enough with the palette, and something useful will emerge from your painting. It's a trope that existed pre-Heroes.

One really trippy relic might be a normal-looking six-sided die that can be rolled to alter the numerical result of an outside-the-game roll. However, the PCs will take a long time to figure out exactly what's going on with the thing.

An Eli-created atlas would be ultimately useful, if a bit overly detailed. It might take Intelligence or Perception rolls just to find the right section in the table of contents, and of course the atlas would change to reflect the constantly changing Marches.

[JCD]

Originally Posted by Jason

A three-dollar bill depicting President James K. Polk. If the PCs try to use it, they will calmly be told, "Your money's no good here." Rarely, this may actually result in free stuff (especially doughnuts).

But it only works on things that cost less then $3, so it isn't unbalancing.

[Jason]

Originally Posted by Acolyte

Another zany idea would be to create a large number of Talisman/6s for non-game-related skills. For example, a ribbon on a stick used for ribbon dancing absentmindedly twirled by Eli might very well become a Talisman (Ribbon Dancing/6). A Microwave with Cooking/6 also work, or a Pillowcase of Lovemaking/6.

I enjoy this, and not just because it reminds me of the RPG I made with some friends one night when we were bored in high school. The "proficiencies" list included "Dewey Decimal," "Advanced Dewey Decimal," and "Doorknob Operation," among others.

Which begs the question: Could there be a talisman with +6 to something somewhat useful (e.g., acrobatics) but –6 to something terribly essential (e.g., doorknob operation)? I would enjoy seeing someone land gracefully after a fall from a building, only to find later that he can't figure out how doors work.

[Acolyte]

That was priceless. As Picard says, make it so.

[robkelk]

Originally Posted by Jason

Which begs the question: Could there be a talisman with +6 to something somewhat useful (e.g., acrobatics) but –6 to something terribly essential (e.g., doorknob operation)? I would enjoy seeing someone land gracefully after a fall from a building, only to find later that he can't figure out how doors work.

An intriguing idea, but I'm not trying to deliberately make this a silly campaign...

I do like the mass-transit map with "working" trains; considering that the PCs are about to be traveling all over the world, it could be a side-effect on a map Eli gives them as an Area Knowledge (current city)/1 talisman. Perhaps I'll include an unlabeled number beside each station (with the only 0 being at the London Underground's Mornington Crescent station)...

[Dalillama]

A fork which ensures that the food eaten with it always has just the right amount of salt for your taste.

An unbreakable set of guitar strings.

A coffee maker that makes a perfect cup of Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee when the button is pressed, taking about 10 minutes to do so. It will do this regardless of what kind of coffee grounds are in it, or even if there aren't any at all. Electricity is also oprional, but water isn't.

[Rocket Man]

A skateboard that changes color depending on who uses it -- a white and red swirl for a celestial (of either kind), a silver and blue thunderstorm pattern for an ethereal, and electric green for a human. The green pattern will include a gold border if the human has the potential for six or more Forces, is undead, or happens to like rocky road ice cream.

[Andygal]

in connection with the above, a mug which causes any beverage drunk from it to always be the perfect tempature for the beverage and the drinker's tastes no matter how long it's been left out at room tempature.