Memorable Quotes.

[Mark Skarr]

GM: “You are not familiar with any of this booze.”
<beat>
GM: “But you are ready to become familiar with all of this booze.”

--

Yinceron: “What am I thinking?”
Carmen: “I don’t know—I’m not a mind reader.”
Yinceron: “It’s easy: I’d like a beer, and I’d like to see something naked. Not you.”
Carmen: “I think the bee-lady is actually naked.”

--

GM: “The raccoon isn’t really salvageable—you’ll need a zip-lock baggie and a squeegee.”

--

GM: “Bee-Bee could lay down on the caution platform and be camouflaged.”

--

GM: “The vehicle wasn’t attacked, but rednecks were around it, so yes, it’s been shot.”

--

Bee-Bee's player drew a picture of her character and was a little upset that she came out way cuter than she expected. (link to pic of Bee-Bee.)

[Mark Skarr]

GM: “You see, sneaking into the kitchen, James, wearing only a lab coat and galoshes.”
Heaven: “Oh, lord. Did they let you make your own costume again?”
James: “No. Apparently, I’m dead here. You try waking up, naked, in the morgue and having to sneak your way out.”

--

Kandra: “Chaos God? Oh, is that anything like your attorney?”
James: “He’s not really chaotic.”
Heaven: “And not ‘God.’”
<beat>
Heaven: “He’s pretty much the polar-opposite.”

--

Bee-Bee: “We should definitely descend.”
Carmen: “Yeah, because nothing bad happens to people who go into the basement.”

--

Yinceron: “What color is the fur?”
GM: “Right now, it’s brown and scorchy.”

--

Yinceron: “I’m gunna check on the ship, sample some of this alcohol, and get some sleep.”
GM: “Make a roll—this is a roll three dice and see how pretty they look roll.”
Yinceron: “Three. Apparently, I find the best stuff ever.”
GM: “You’ve found an adamantine container housing a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster. The rest of you will have to watch over the ship while Yin sleeps that off.”

--

Aziz: “How are we going to disguise our ‘non-existent’ friend here? I was thinking rabbit ears and a fluffy tail.”
Bee-Bee: “I could molt, and she could wear that.”
<beat>
Carmen: (Shudders) “Ugh.”
Yinceron: “Eeyuu.”
Aziz: “I’m with Eeyuu.”

--

GM: “As the ship comes out of hyperspace, you’re monitoring the ship, and suddenly a group of idiot lights turn on—you’re pretty sure one of the idiots on the bridge pushed something they’re not supposed to.”
Bee-Bee: “Can I radio the bridge to find out what they did?”
GM: “No! You discover that they fried the communications system—all of it.”

--

Yinceron: “We could just draw weird designs all over her and claim she shaved her fur off for religious purposes.”
Bee-Bee: “But then we might have to create a religion and we’d get followers.”
<beat>
Aziz: “Again.”

[Mark Skarr]

Heaven: "Remember that old movie we watched? Big Trouble in Little China?" (The characters are modern teenagers.)
Raquel: "Um, yeah."
Heaven: "[James] is like Jack Burton--he's a white guy who is just in over his head and doesn't get it. But he is nice to look at, and is good in a fight."
James: "Hey!"
Heaven: "By the way, Catman, you're down to eight lives."
James: "I am not Catman. I'm Charlemagne. And it would be fewer than that. This isn't the first time I got better after being dead."
Raquel: "Wow. [Charlemagne]'s a mouthful."

[Mark Skarr]

Thane: “He’ll attack again.”
Thane: “That’s a . . ..”
<rolls a 3>
Thane: “Uuuuuh. Uuuuuh.”

--

GM: “[The rock creature] is still stunned. Little rock doves are circling its head.”

--

GM: “Thane?”
Thane: “It’s time to put-out the rock dude.”

--

ISWAT: "Stop staring at me with those, big, soulless eyes!"
(Link to SFW picture)

--

Thane: “Those crazy people with the werewolf showed up.”
ISWAT: “Who the hell are you?”
Thane: “Those crazy people with the werewolf. RAWR!”

[Mark Skarr]

Thane: “All right, I’m going to make your insides your oursides.”

--

Contessa: “[Expletive]! I always roll a 13 when it’s this priest!”
01 (OOC): “It’s almost like he’s got some divine protection.”

--

Contessa: “All right, guys, I think it’s time we should break out.”
ISWAT: “WE CAN HEAR YOU!”
Contessa: “I DON’T CARE!”

--

ISWAT: “AH! ELECTROLASERS DON’T WORK ON WEREWOLVES!”

--

GM: “Contessa make a . . . whip roll—she doesn’t have first aid.”
01 (OOC): “Whip it. Whip it good.”

--

Thane: “It’s better to be a wolf of Odin than a Lamb of God.”
Rev. Fox: “I’m my own God.”
Thane (OOC): “Ha! Puny God!”

--

Thane: “Ugh. The player is making a self-control roll.”

--

Contessa: “I’m not human—it’s not cannibalism for me.”

--

Contessa: “With as much as Thane has eaten—I don’t want to see him stress-vomit.”

--

Thane: “Have you ever seen a crinos try to make itself small and hide? You have now.”

--

Thane: “Just tell me you saved that dose of eraser!”

--

2B: “I wonder what the biologicals are doing?”
01: “Something biological.”
Contessa (OOC/not there): “It’s very squishy.”
GM: “On that note, we’ll call it here.”
Contessa: “That naked, bloody note.”

[SolemnGolem]

The king's enforcer: Be quiet and listen to me. You are in grave danger... but once I'm done talking I'll leave and you'll be safe again.

[johndallman]

PC: "One is a lot, with human sacrifice."

[Fred Brackin]

"Can I cast Spider Climb on a camel?"

"I do not think the camel would co-operate."


"I could Polymorph a camel into a squirrel but it would be permanent."

"Surely if you can use spell to turn camel into squirrel you can use spell again to turn squirrel into camel."

"Yes, but the camel might think it was still a squirrel."

"Ah! Then you would have camel you could cast Spider Climb on."


"What about moose?"

"We shall not speak of moose and squirrel."


<Loud Cursing> "Ah, that must have been the sound of Kethra's Levitate Spell ending."


"So we really need to get past this portcullis. What are the rules for combining efforts on....

"HA!"

".....or we could just let Vaska do it by himself."


".....and the fires eventually burn themselves out."

"Excellent! Is it easier to find the secret door now?"

<sigh> "Yes."


"Since I am the only one who can remember or pronouce it Vaska will say the magic word."

"ATMOPYREETNO!"

<much chaos ensues>

"I almost thought you were the only one who could survive it."

[Isikyus]

From the first few sessions of a fantasy-1930s not-quite-pirates game.

Gerri is a goblin playboy who's shipped out to the colonies to prove himself.
Mikhail is his butler and "gentleman's gentleman", and a troll.
Duri's a local goblin forger.


Gerri: "It's only treason if we get it wrong."


Mikhail: "I think I'm the only one with a watch, so I'll synchronise it."


Gerri: "No, no, not that plan. The other plan. That plan was suggested by a foolish person, which we will ignore. The actual plan is my plan."


Gerri: "Ze plan is very simple. Mikhail, explain how simple it is."
Mikhail: "Hm. I would say, on scale of fairly simple to very simple, is fairly simple."
Gerri: "See, is simple."


Gerri: "Not-spy, what title would you like?"
Duri: "I would like you to use my name."
Gerri: "What is your name?"
Duri: "Duri."
Gerri: "I appoint you to the rank of Duri."


Gerri: "Is OK. Is spy. I pay you well, so I do not have to trust you."


Gerri: "You have big shotgun, yes?"
Mikhail: "Yes"
Gerri: "So take out, point at head, say 'we should not fight. It would be messy.'"
Duri: "No, no, no, no, NO!"
Mikhail: "I agree with Duri. This is bad idea."
Gerri: "I can conjure you icicle."
Mikhail: "This seems like short-term solution."
Gerri: "That is true. It would melt."

[Gumby Bush]

Gelzear, an IQ 9 goblin, is sitting in a cell in a necromancer's lair.

Callithyia, a cleric of Apollo, tells a necromancer's fortune
Necromancer: "For this, I will grant you your life. In the future, I will grant much richer rewards"
Gelzear [OOC]: yeah, I guess your life isn't worth much.

GM: "the necromancer likes to reuse all parts of the sentient beings: skin for his books, bones for his army, and you can guess what he uses the meat for..."
Callithyia [OOC]: "yeah, I didn't remind him about the promised food for a reason"
GM: "Yeah, you probably saved Gelzear's life."

Callithyia walks past Gelzear's cell
GM: "Gelzear, roll Perception"
*Critically fails*
GM: "You are so caught up singing a goblin drinking song, you hear nothing. Callithyia, roll Perception"
*Fails*
GM: "You hear a terrible sound, like screaming. It sounds like skeleton army production, and you're pretty sure the necromancer will revoke his gift of your life if you disturb it."

Gelzear, sitting in cell a while later: "Hallo"
GM: "Roll against Perception"
*dice come up 18*
GM: You seem to hear another goblin reply "Hallo"
...
This conversation went on, in character, for a good half hour before Gelzear got fed up with his echo.

Callithyia and the party rogue, Laoghaire, attempt to cast a scroll to restore their ox's broken leg. Dice come up 18. The scroll was made by the necromancer, so I used the black critical table.

Gelzear [OOC]: "you might see Gelzear cry if the ox dies"
Callithyia [OOC]: "you might see me cry in real life if the ox dies"
GM: "Hm... 'the spell has the opposite of the intended effect' OK..."
Callithyia [OOC]: "Oh no, we broke it's *other* leg?!"
GM: "no, that's too boring. The ox is transmogrified into *just* it's leg, restored and living."

The session was great. An unusual number of critical failures which resulted in great fun for all.