Memorable Quotes.

[Rocket Man]

The PC, a super-gadgeteer named Mist, is talking with her new husband about her twin sister Rain, a tough-minded billionaire. The twins are both Buddhist, but while Mist practices more traditional meditation, Rain finds her focus through more ... intimate activities.

Husband (Steve): "So you're saying that her wanting to get me into bed is a holy duty?"
Mist: "Well ... that's not entirely true. When I meditate, it's not holy duty, it's me centering myself and becoming harmonious with the universe."
Steve: "As opposed to Rain, who becomes self-centered and thinks she is the universe?"

[Humorme]

Me: Let's see, with bonuses and all, that should make my total to hit roll a 16.
GM: Okay, you hit.
ME: No. Wait. A 15. I was referencing my usual weapon bonus which is a masterwork. I'm assuming the kobold I'm wielding is not masterwork quality.

As an orc who was trying to help save some people, my character kept trying to communicate with kobolds in common. He soon learned that most kobolds don't speak common, so naturally started shouting at them in common.

Other party member: "They don't SPEAK common! Speaking louder and more slowly doesn't make them understand the language!"

[Celti]

Zombie apocalypse game. I send a text message to a missing NPC.

"The zombies haven't gotten you, have they?"
He texts back "Braaaaaains."

[Hans Rancke-Madsen]

Originally Posted by Humorme

Other party member: "They don't SPEAK common! Speaking louder and more slowly doesn't make them understand the language!"

No, you have to stick an '-a' at the end of every other word.


Hans

[robkelk]

From a slightly-dark Marvel supers game:

"Fury, if you don't want us destroying your secret bases, tell us about them!"

[Mark Skarr]

Heh! From a different game, many moons ago, we were in a similar situation.

Originally Posted by robkelk

"Fury, if you don't want us destroying your secret bases, tell us about them!"

(our person wasn't Nick Fury, but I could see him saying these things)
Fury: "Then they wouldn't be secret anymore."
Brandy: "What are you going to tell their families? Training accident?"
Fury: "What do you think?"
Brandy: "And the radiation burns? And the transformations into . . . what are those anyway? And what about the four that accidentally transcended to the next level of evolution? Seriously, if you want to keep these things from happening, you should really let our liason know."
Fury: "You just need to be more careful."
(Entire party laughs)
Brandy: "Oh, but why do you think we're called 'International Incident?' Seriously, give Ford a call, she'll be happy to keep you out of our line of fire."

[Palmer]

Marvel Heroic RPG. Just a quickie game with random heroes.
Tony Stark is escorting a scientist with an important briefcase of SCIENCE! handcuffed to him on a commercial passenger jet (using civilian jet as a form of camouflage). With him are Luke Cage and Peter Parker.

Suddenly, ninjas jump on the fuselage and start cutting into the cabin with a katana!

Parker goes first, declares he's rushing for the bathroom to get changed.
Feeling a bit snarky, I hand him a plot point and declare

"It says Occupied. And you think you smell smoke from inside"
As I'm saying this, our last player arrives, a bit late. Everyone has a good laugh at the awkwardness and someone screwing up heroing because they had a nic fit.

When it gets around to the latecomer's turn, I say "So what are you going to do Sean?"

His response was golden.

"So Wolverine emerges from the bathroom with the stub of his cigar in his mouth..."

[DarthViper3k]

Running a campaign in Ancient Greece.. Party is in a large open field with chest tall grass.

At one point one of the party members could hear screams and shouts coming from the grass, so she decided to investigate. (The sounds of those dying in combat)

Alexon - "Missed Perception"
GM(me) - "All you see is grassy field"
Alexon - "A peaceful meadow"
(After 3 rounds of nothing.)
Alexon - "Still looking to see what I can see. . . Still in a peaceful meadow"
GM(me) - "I think you're in a downy commercial and looking for the downy bear"

Nerissa (Out of Character) - Whats wrong with this movie? Guys should not be pole dancers.
Gm(me) - "So what you doing Alexon?"
Alexon - "Not pole dancing."

[UAG_Ranger]

So my players were sent to hunt down Archer Penndragon, the son of one of their patrons. When they caught up to him battle naturally burst out. After a few melee strikes Archer pulled back and:

GM (Me): He draws an arrow from his quiver.

Viktor (Our martial artist werepyre daywatch agent): Oh, im quivering!

cue all our players not being able to focus on anything other than that line for like an hour.

[Phantasm]

From our Star Wars (SAGA) game:

Background: a while back, our party acquired a WED-15 Treadwell droid, outfitted with 8 arms (2 claw, 1 probe, 5 tool). As its INT score wasn't that high, it obtained the name "Dummy". At one point, it was told to serve drinks for a mixture of organic, cyborg, and droid characters; the "drinks" it served were equal parts alcohol and motor oil.

Last session, we were basically in the position where we were playing our droids rather than our usual PCs. Our Jedi's player decided to play Dummy.

A few select quotes:

* Dummy twitches and flops to life, whirring and buzzing spastically. "I'M AWAKE! I'M AWAKE! 52! MILLENIUM HAND AND SHRIMP! UNIVERSAL PICTURES, 1933!"

<Dummy> Oh, and the thing with the biologicals works too. It's so fun to screw with them. They don't even know I'm doing it. They're all 'aww, how cute he's trying to mix drinks' and I'm like 'shut up and drink the poison, ***holes'.

<Dummy> Pfft. No superlaser, no interest.

* Dummy whistles and beeps a merry tune as they go. For those speaking Binary, the tune is actually full of profanity.

<Dummy> o/` meat-bags, *beddle dododo* you ugly funny meat-bags, *beedle dododo* you precious silly meat-bags, *beedle dododo* where are you? *beedle dodododo, bebebe* o/`

<Dummy> We get our meatbags out of the meat locker, we keep tabs on the fake droid, we send our meatbags after the fake droid, we find ourselves some natural oil, and we sit back an enjoy a warm one while the beautiful violence unfolds.

Suffice to say, after the session was over, we memory-wiped the droid.