Memorable Quotes.

[McNutcase]

Start of the fight: "Losing bowel control is a free action, right?"

"It's your turn."
"I lie on the floor and bleed."

(the boss just went down, in front of a LOT of minions): "Now THEY get a free action to soil themselves."

"Wait a second! I did most of the damage, he just got the killing blow in!"
"So, not only did you just kill-steal the end boss, you ninja-looted an entire ARMY?!"

[hatch]

This is a bit long, but I have to set it up or it won't make sense.

Scene: Party has just reached the end of a dungeon crawl, and beaten the big boss. The centerpiece of the treasure is an artifact, a chalice which acts as a conduit to a dimension of positive elemental energy (the antithesis to a dagger which was a conduit to a dimension of dark elemental energy, but I digress). One of the heroes steps forward to claim the artifact.

GM: The chalice is glowing with a brilliant, warm light of goodness and unbelievable power. There is a golden liquid shining in the cup.

Player: I pickup the chalice and hold it aloft.

GM: You feel tiny bolts of eldritch lightning surging through your body. <rolls> You just permanently gained 3 ST.

Player: Amazing!! I look into the liquid in the cup, what do I see?

GM: The glimmering of a million stars swirling like a sea of light. The glow seems to envelope you. <rolls> You just gained another 4 ST.

Player: Oh man! I drink from the chalice.

GM <sidebar>: Look, I'm going to warn you Peter, that there may be some side effects to absorbing that much raw elemental energy. Are you sure you want to do that?

Player: That's okay, man. I'm going to do it. <to the rest of the party> Cheers! <pantomime's drinking the chalice>. Well, how do I feel?

GM: <rolls> You feel great.

Player: I FEEL GREAT!!

GM: And then you explode.

Player: What?!

GM: You.. um. You explode. Like, bits of you are all over the room.

Player: ... You call THAT a SIDE EFFECT?!?!

[Rocket Man]

A group of In Nomine angels are pulling a raid on a Gluttony Tether, located at Oscar Mayer's world headquarters in Madison, Wisc. One angel, Jesher, has been there before by possessing a worker's belt and is now guiding the others ... forgetting that the trail leads through the men's locker room and he has two female-appearing angels in the party.

KAY: "Me and Bertha in the men's room?"
JESHER: "Somehow, I doubt you'll generate many complaints."

[doulos05]

After a thief untied the bonds we had tied him in and nearly escaped, we were debating our options.

Player 1: "We could cut off his hands."
GM: "Umm, you guys are supposed to be 'Good'. You're gonna cut off his hands?"
Player 2: "Ok, we'll just cut off his thumbs then." Look of horror from the GM "What! Then he can't untie the rope!"

Later in the same game, we encountered a large group of... goblins maybe? For the first two rounds, our mage did very little and we were getting pounded. Finally, he really gets into the action.

Player: "I cast Charm Monster on the leader. Look, we're just here to kill the dragons, not you!"
GM: "Oook." Rolls a critical failure. "Umm, he's your friend now." GM proceeds to awkwardly describe the other goblins listening to their leader and stopping the fight.
GM: "Ok, so now you're all friends, I guess, sitting around a campfire having.... goblin tea, or whatever it is they drink."
Player: "I ask the Goblin to make us a map."
The GM smiles, "Wait! Let me check something! HA! Yes, the Goblin only knows Orcish and none of you took that."
Player: "I cast Comprehend Languages."
GM and the rest of the party: "You prepared that!?"
Player: "Heck, no! I didn't prepare Charm Monster either. All 3 spells I've cast so far have been from scrolls."
GM looks flustered "Ok, guys. I... I... don't know what to do from here. You win, we'll have to pick up next week."
Players: "Yay! We beat the GM!"

[Mark Skarr]

Player 1: "I'll create a screen name and check out some of the Lovecraft boards."
GM: (Explains lengthy bit to Player 2, who he's getting into the party)
Player 2: "Okay, I have 'Curious,' so I'll bite. What's your screen name?"
Player 1: "Sexythulu69."
Player 2: "Okay, no. My Curious doesn't run that deep."

[Psychotime]

This is great.

[Mark Skarr]

I can't believe I hadn't posted this one.

During character creation for the game I just listed above (which is MonkeyFist's Left Behind game), one of my players, Colateral Damage Man (CDM), was trying to figure out what he was going to run.

Me: I can easily make you a soldier on 125 with -50, but you won't be Special Forces. Well, you could be "Special" forces, but that would be short-bus "Special."
CDM: Jo is going to smack you on Monday.
Me: I know. I deserve it.

[johndallman]

"When the body count goes exponential, it's time to run away."

[Luke Bunyip]

Player Characters are in a shopping centre (aka mall) which has be transported to a backwater hellish dimension. They encounter an animated picture of a model in lingerie, heard about an attack by animated shop mannequins from a NPC, fought off Barbie Dolls, GI Joes, and a tin can wielding teddy bear. After they successfully hid from a hundred pairs of shoes, they are discussing their next option.

PC1: "If all things that relate to people, or a people shaped get animated, what happens if our clothes get animated? What happens if we get attacked by scarves?"

PC2: "Hey, is there an adult bookshop in this shopping centre? Because if there is, we should like keep well away from it".

[Flyndaran]

At the first hint of buzzing, my rear would be heading for the hills until I dropped. Wait, that sounds bad.