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Old 05-12-2021, 09:15 AM   #61
Join Date: Jan 2006
Default Re: Favorite Gnomco Products

Originally Posted by tbone View Post
Why is that? Gnomco Pole cannot into space?

Originally Posted by tbone View Post
(Also, does Gnomco sell the traditional 6' Pole?)
No, but they do sell the "Post-partition" set of 2x5' Poles with partisans.
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Old 06-20-2021, 09:20 PM   #62
Join Date: Mar 2019
Default Re: Favorite Gnomco Products

Gnomco Bag of Holding (Hands)tm

Place your hand into this seemingly empty bag and experience the comfort and intimacy[1] of the tender touch and/or firm grasp of the hand of other proud owners of Gnomco Bags of Holding (Hands)tm near and far!

Gnomco Bag of Holding (Hands)tm are available in two tiers:

Basic bags (10$): Each user of a basic bag will enjoy the surprise of being paired randomly with another Basic Gnomco Bag of Holding (Hands)tm. Perfect for xenopheliacs, curious-adventurers, and those who seek the authentic joy of connecting with strangers.

Paired bags (500$ for 2): Paired bags are permanently linked so you know, each time you reach in whose hand you'll find[2]. Leave a bag with your betrothed as you set out on your next quest, and know that you can hold hands each night you are away [3].

[1] Handholding associated sensations are not limited to comfort and initimacy. Other sensations may include, but are not limited to, clamminess, scaliness, clawing, heat, cold, lifelessness, etc. Gnomco cannot be held liable for the status of the hands you encounter in the Gnomco Bag of Holding (Hands)tm.
[2] Provided the paired bag isn't lost, stolen, or given away.
[3] Gnomco cannot guarantee that your betrothed will choose to put their hand in the bag.
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Old 06-28-2021, 11:31 AM   #63
Join Date: Jan 2006
Default Re: Favorite Gnomco Products

Originally Posted by Yssa View Post
Gnomco Bag of Holding (Hands)tm
Noice. Didn't you miss a couple of footnotes tho?

[4] Do not place non-hand objects in Gnomco Bag of Holding (Hands)tm , as the results can be ... unpredictable.
[5] Do not turn Gnomco Bag of Holding (Hands)tm inside out.

[6] If Gnomco Bag of Holding (Hands)tm is turned inside out by accident, remain aware that the animated severed hands that are streaming out of it now are not necessarily hostile, but they will attempt to prevent you from turning the Gnomco Bag of Holding (Hands)tm back right-side in. Attempt it anyway - the incoming smite may be cancelled if you complete this task quickly enough.
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Old 10-19-2021, 05:18 PM   #64
Join Date: Jan 2006
Default Re: Favorite Gnomco Products

Gnomco Gnomcow ™

Need a henchthing to carry your treasure? Need emergency rations? Need to protect your wizard, fertilize your garden, mow you lawn, and seduce that minotaur, all at the same time?

Does Gnomco have the Gnomcow for you!

Do not expose Gnomco Gnomcow ™ to Gnomco Healing Sauce ™. Gnomco Gnomcow ™ for external use only. Do no debate the relative literary merits of Proust and Asimov with Gnomco Gnomcow ™. Gnomco Gnomcow ™ not intended for child care applications. If Gnomco Gnomcow ™ "moos" that is completely normal and safe; however, if Gnomco Gnomcow ™ "mus" evacuate to safe bunker at least 47 yards distant from Gnomco Gnomcow ™. Do not feed Gnomco Gnomcow ™ after midnight. Do not lick Gnomco Gnomcow ™ within 3 hours of consuming Gnomco Gnomcoco ™. Gnomco Gnomcow ™ may be illegal in kingdoms beginning with "K." Do not trade Gnomco Gnomcow ™ for magic beans - instead consider buying Gnomco Adventure Seeds ™ directly from Gnomco - 10% discount with verifiable remains of Gnomco Gnomcow ™. Gnomco Gnomcow ™ is not your friend and is only doing this for the money. Gnomco is not responsible for back wages owed to Gnomco Gnomcow ™. Gnomco denies feeding Gnomco Gnomcow ™ sweepings from the main Gnomco factory floor and is sure there are no significant side effects anyways. Gnomco Gnomcow ™ is not holding a grudge. Do not plot with Gnomco Gnomcow ™. Do not join cowmunist revolutionary cell with Gnomco Gnomcow ™. Cowmunuism never works out in the end, Gnomco suggests Democratic Goatsialism if you are into that sort of thing. Do not add metal horn reinforcement to Gnomco Gnomcow ™. Gnomco Gnomcow ™ is not a front line combatant. Gnomco Gnomcow ™ is not DPS or healbot either. If Gnomco Gnomcow ™ starts licking your wounds discard Gnomco Gnomcow ™ immediately. If Gnomco Gnomcow ™ follows you home and stares into your second+ story window at night contact exorcist immediately. Gnomco is not responsible for vampiric Gnomco Gnomcattle ™ and vampiric gnomcattle certainly did not rampage throughout the Gnomco Gnomcow ™ herd. You might want to bring stakes just to be sure though. Or steaks. Whatever. Do not expose Gnomco Gnomcow ™ to the rains down in Africa.
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Old 11-14-2021, 04:47 AM   #65
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Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Gothenburg, Sweden
Default Re: Favorite Gnomco Products

Hunting a monster? We have what you need!


This matched set includes one torch and one pitfork, lovingly crafted out of the same piece of wood, making it a memento for your relatives to treasure long after the monster has eaten you.
“When you arise in the morning think of what a privilege it is to be alive, to think, to enjoy, to love ...” Marcus Aurelius
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Old 01-11-2022, 03:37 PM   #66
Join Date: Jan 2006
Default Re: Favorite Gnomco Products

Gnomco Sundress ™

While this beautiful yellow number is guaranteed[1] to show off your barbarian's assets, it is also an artifact of powerful magic.

If the wearer of this garment ever sings the complete lyrics of "You Are My Sunshine[2],[3]," it will begin to glow.

In the first round, it lights up a 3 yard radius brightly and 6 yards dimly.

In the second, it will light up 3 yards with "sunlight", 6 yards brightly, and 12 yards dimly.

On the third round a 6 yard radius is lit by sunlight, 12 yards are lit brightly, and 24 yards dimly.

On the fourth round (or immediately if the dress is removed during the first three rounds) the dress transmutes to "instant sunshine", acting like a 12d explosive fireball detonating in contact with the wearer, additionally exposing everything in a 24 yard radius to bright sunlight until the player's next turn. The wearer is not granted any immunity to this effect.

[1] This is a figure of speech only. Gnomco Sundress ™ not guaranteed.

[2] Make a singing check after a minimum of 2d+10 sequential concentration maneuvers. The check is only to determine how nicely you sing as the dress activates regardless. Optionally, GMs can get creative with crits.

[3] The complete lyrics includes the super-depressing third verse that is usually left out.

Last edited by martinl; 01-11-2022 at 10:38 PM.
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dungeon fantasy, gnomco, gnomes

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