Memorable Quotes.

[Mark Skarr]

Queenie: “More tasty and less sodium!”

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GM (OOC): “This is like last week. Queenie is leaving them with the Single-All-Important-Last-Pixel-of-Life.”
Queenie (OOC): “Yes. Go forth my kill-stealers.”

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GM: “Queenie’s mace, against chainmail, is Super Effective! Especially being on fire.”
Queenie: “For the glory of Campbello: EAT IT!”

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Ezekiel: “I’m going to step back—I’m not sure it was voluntary.”

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GM: “Seven is experimenting with all of the all-out attack options.”

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Queenie: “Queenie is totally desecrating this thing’s corpse.”

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Seven: “I do not see a weapon—this could be very very bad.”
Magnus: “That means he’s a mage.”

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Queenie: “[this armor] will let me have the first electric stove.”

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Queenie (OOC): “I told my roommate about the damage I took last fight, and she said ‘Campbello giveth and he taketh away.’”

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Ezekiel: “I expect that touching it would get me electrocuted.”
GM: “You are correct, sir.”

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Magnus: “It’s Miller time.”
GM: “Is Magnus going to do anything, or just crack open a cold paut?”

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(after the Thunderclap goes off . . . five minutes of “what?!” jokes.)

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Seven: “If you use alphabet soup you can spell out your anger.”

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GM: “If you put all of this stuff on Stabby [the golem], it gives a +8 reaction; they’ll think he’s the captain.”

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Queenie: “Ha ha ha ha! Operation Lightning balloon! Wait, does this mean I’m a weather balloon?”

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Seven (OOC): “We’ll get you a bumper sticker.”
Queenie (OOC): “What? ‘My other ride is Campbello?’”

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Magnus: “Or—this is all just a hallucination as you bleed out on the dungeon floor from having your leg chopped off.”
Ezekiel: “That may be the more logical answer, right now.”

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Queenie: “I’m pretty sure her activation word is ‘Bring it!’ Or soups on. It’s very confusing around dinner time.”

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Seven: “Other than the sanity-draining hammer, what else does he have?”

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Magnus: “Imagine how much [poop] I could set on fire with seventy FP!”

[Anders]

My character in Legend of the Five Rings was asked to write a poem about honor and had no successes. So...

Roses are red
Violets are blued
Honor is important
I think so too

The judges were not impressed.

[Mark Skarr]

Due to a personal injury our regularly scheduled madness was replaced with us just hanging around shooting the breeze.

But, there were still funny things said:

Mark: “He’s got a voice like smooth whisky.”
Chaos: “So . . . drain cleaner?”
Mark: “No . . . more like he’s got a voice like what people who haven’t tasted whisky think whisky should taste like.”

--

Chaos (playing Skyrim): “This guy has a lot of arrows.[lists them]”
Gumby: “Is he a shop keeper?”
Hand of Bobb: “Is he a pin cushion?”
<beat>
Hand of Bobb: “Is he secretly another PC?”

[johndallman]

Call of Cthulhu, Chicago, 1928.

Player 1: "Why is everyone shooting?"
Player 2: "Because they still have ammunition left!"

[Mark Skarr]

Queenie: “We’re in the market for an orphan, maybe you could send them [to deal with Gnagagnodart].
GM: “Then you’d be in the market for another orphan.”

--

GM: “Then you went and dealt with Gnagagnodart, which ate up the vast majority of your remaining sanity points.”

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GM: “A Campbellan crusade is known as a ‘Catering.’ It’s where they bring Campbello’s glory to the masses.”
Queenie: “Yes. Everyone brings a dish.”

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GM: “That’s wa-aa-aa-aa-ay more eloquent than Seven has ever been.”
Queenie: “Yeah, I expect him to bust in [to the orphanage] saying ‘give me your sturdiest orphan!’”

--

Meadow: “Just how old of an orphan are you looking for?”
Seven: “Ten-to-thirteen . . . middle-aged for a child.”
<beat>
Party: “WHAT?!”
<beat>
Queenie: “Operation: Child Endangerment.”

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Magnus: “I prefer to keep my relationship with orphans on the ‘making them’ side.”

--

(so many orphan jokes. Wish I had recorded the audio. It was so funny.)

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Fireball: “Hey! Seven! Holdup. They want me to go along to keep you out of trouble. The two worst people to talk to orphans. Let’s go. It’ll be fun!”

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Seven (OOC): “A giant pop-up book of Pixie smut?”
Magnus (OOC): “It’s actual size.”

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Seven (OOC): “All our treasure is here, in this army of golems.”
Magnus (OOC): “Our treasure is the Terra Cotta army.”

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GM: “Magnus does not have to make an acting roll, because he’s not acting.”

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GM: “The urchin pulls out a knife.”
Magnus (OOC): “Look out! He’s got a knife.”
Seven (OOC): “You idiot! We all have swords!”

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Fireball: “HEY! WE’RE HERE FOR YOUR ORPHANS! LET US IN!”
Seven: “Fireball! Stop it! You’re not helping!”
Magnus (OOC): “Bring out your [dead] . . . ahh.”
Seven (OOC): “Don’t make us burn this door down.”
GM: “Fireball is definitely making it worse.”
Magnus (OOC): “Worse . . . or better?”

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Seven: “You attempted to hire an orphan . . ..” (cuts out on Discord)
GM: “You cut out, but we get the impression.”

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GM (OOC): “Fireball in Groucho glasses?”
Fireball (OOC): “No! These are my real nose and glasses.”
Seven (OOC): “Why are they melting?”
Fireball (OOC): “Because I’m hot, baby!”

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Queenie: “Usually, at this point, we set me on fire, and I go first.”

[Dr. Beckenstein]

Shadowrun. The PC have a minor fight with a few gang members, dressed in street style with baseball caps. The runners manage to take some as prisoners.

Troll-Samurai: "Well, I tie him up with duct tape. And then I turn the brim of his baseball cap forward."

Sometimes, the players are the real monsters.

[Phantasm]

Part of a Starfinder game:

Chitterbox (a Ysoki): *is good at wires. They taste different!
Neha (Human): <ooc> You sure you're not part Jägermonster, Chitt?
Everyone else: <ooc> XD!

[Mark Skarr]

(After giving an overview of the previous session)
Magnus (OOC): “I don’t see what the problem is. They’re just orphans.”
Queenie (OOC): “The problem is what wanted to hire one of them.”

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GM: “It took a while for Seven to find [the stairs]. You’re assuming he’s a trained rogue.”

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GM: “You’re not searching it. You’re RE-searching it.”

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Ezekiel: “Why can’t they ever be summoning angels?”
GM: “Because then the plot wouldn’t need you.”

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Fireball: “Hey, Magnus, I hear a disassociated cat-voice over here.”

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GM: “Alcohol and Fire Mages is not a good combination.”

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(after losing 6 points of IQ to foolishness gas from botched traps rolls and failed overconfidence rolls, and being dragged away by Queenie.)
Seven: “NO! NO! I can get it this time!”
Queenie: “That’s it, I’m breaking out the squirt bottle.”
Magnus: “Ugh, it smells like wet cat.”

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GM: “The magebane dust is immune to magical fire. The foolishness gas is—.”
Queenie (OOC): “Flammable. Fireball kills us all.”
Magnus: “Yeah, it’s a flour-based gas.”

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GM (OOC): “I want a trap that makes people smarter—so they can realize how much trouble they’re in.”
Ezekiel (OOC): “Or just, Delusion (I’m in a lot of trouble).”
GM (OOC): “It’s not a Delusion.”
Magnus (OOC): “It raises their IQ by the same amount it lowers their Fright Check.”

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Queenie (OOC): “Smash-cut to Seven being tied up in the Japanese Bondage style.”

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GM: “If they were labeled, they wouldn’t be ‘hidden buttons.’”

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GM (OOC): “The party doesn’t need ‘Danger Sense,’ they need ‘Seven’s doing something’ sense?”
Queenie (OOC): “Yeah, the ‘It’s been too quiet, where’s Seven?’ sense.”

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Ezekiel: “We’re going to be fighting Demon-possessed zombie orphans.”

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Ezekiel: “Oo-oh. I’ll give up someone else’s IQ for ledgers.”

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Ezekiel: “Any idea what the runes say?”
Magnus (OOC): “Do not step.”

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(After a critical failure on an Analzye magic roll, that just caused Ezekiel to be stunned)
GM: “The rune blasts back at you with some stunning force, resisting your ability to analyze it. Or, at least, that’s your story and you’re sticking too it.”

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Seven: “[The door] is neither locked nor trapped—so it means the trap is very bad and on the other side of the door.”

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Queenie: “Is that a healing potion in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?”

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GM: “And the Flaming Parade Balloon bursts into the room.”
Queenie: “Wafts, with dignity, into the room.”

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[after another 5d, 3-hex Towering Inferno spell]
Magnus: “How much to maintain [Towering Inferno]?”

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Queenie: “I like how all of our fights wind up with about ten minutes of cartoonish pratfalls—not always from the villains.”

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GM: “Queenie gets into her spice rack and gets out some consciousness herbs—.”
Queenie: “Pepper.”
GM: “Or, as we call it, cayenne pepper.”

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Cultist: “Who are you?”
Seven: “You’re worst nightmare.”
Cultist: “I doubt it—you haven’t seen what I’ve seen.”
Seven: “Well, that’s probably true.”

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Queenie: “How many are down there, and should I bring muffins?”
Cultist: “At least four, and, unless Muffins are a metaphor for something else, probably not.”

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Seven: “We’ve found today’s special friend!”

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Seven: “What are those?” [pointing to Bleeders rising]
Magnus: “Kindling.”

--

GM: “Zeke, what would you like to do?”
<beat>
Ezekiel: “Survive!”

[William]

Another old one from a game several years back, found in a log:

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Narrator: As you approach the party, a haggard looking man in black robes staggers up. "Woah, travelers. Stay away - doom is here."

Rehael: "End of the world party, is it?"

Xivilai: "Doom, y'say? What flavor?"

Narrator: He sighs.
Narrator: You recognize the badge of the Sinkers
Narrator: "Beer and sex, mostly." he says, looking resigned.

Rehael: "Led many a man to his doom, those have," Rehael agrees.

[Fred Brackin]

"Oh look! It's a really shiny sword thrust all the way through a dead body and into the solid stone floor! Perhaps the person who pulls it out will become the King of Mulhorand!"

"Doesn't Mulhorand have Pharoahs instead of Kings?"

"...and wouldn't the sword that made you rightful Pharoah of Mulhorand be a khopesh instead of a longsword?"

"You can't thrust a khopesh into anything. It's shaped all wrong."

later

"Alright Vaska, what do you do when your initiative comes round again?"

"I attack.....I guess the Cleric!"

"So Dalric, it's your turn now. What do you do?"

"I run away!"

"Me too!"

"I slam the door behind me after I run away!"

"There is no door."

"I keep running until I find one!"

"Can I do subdual damage with a battle-axe?"