[MH] (Caribbean by Night) Driving Miss Piggy

[Varyon]

Out of curiosity, is the partial memory loss experienced by Garza and Winding a function of the Facade? I was under the assumption that once someone "broke through" the Facade it no longer had any effect on them, but both Kit (who appears to have encountered Something that gave him those scars, which I assume drove him to join the Night Riders) and Garza (who seems to have broken through the Facade during the assault on the Aqueronte) initially perceived Miss Piggy as a woman (presumably similar enough in appearance to Miss Delvano to at least be mistaken to be her sister). The rapidity with which they broke the enchantment implies that once one has broken through, it's much easier to do so again. Is this correct?

One bit of advice I'd give on the writing would be to keep track of the tense of the narration, and strive to have it be past-tense as much as possible. It seems jarring and, to an extent the contradicts the rest of the writing, amateurish when the narration goes to present tense, making it read more like an entry in a play-by-post campaign than a story.

An advantage of choosing the cast you have - two exceptional veteran Night Riders, and a comparably-exceptional rookie - is that the veterans can quite naturally discuss previous cases they've had to handle, with Kit listening in eagerly to help get an idea of just what he's getting himself into. A road trip also potentially means listening to a lot of different radio channels, so any local oddities (national news is probably largely dominated by the events in Galveston, at least for a while) that are going on at the same time are likely to crop up in news reports, either while on the road or whilst eating in a diner. All this together can give you an excellent opportunity to flesh out the setting, giving both more background and more current flavor to help drive home that this is a much darker version of our own world, yet without getting all grim-dark.

A final bit of consideration is that there's plenty of fictional precedent to not concern yourself too much with how things should be different from our world - there's obviously a strong degree of historical inertia in the setting, otherwise the Butterfly Effect likely would have significantly changed history from sometime in the 80's onward (or earlier, seeing as Kessler doesn't exist at all in our world), rather than just the relatively small changes that have occurred.