[ericthered]

Notes on Randal Kane:

Adrednal muscle trigger is 2/level, not 3/level. This is because hp do not increase!

Patron at the equipment level you are using cost 20 points, not 15.

I need to build your patron organization. They will refer to themselves as 'the insiders', informally rather than formally (rather ironic considering they are mostly aware rather than empowered or inducted). Your most common point of contact is a wealthy executive and shareholder of a pharmaceuticals company. Ostentatiously you are part of his security team as well as being on experimental drug treatments to deal with a mysterious condition. You deal mainly with his head of security and a personal physician (both insiders).

Randal is expected to attend weekly medical checkups with Dr. Miglias and receives regular assignments from Mr. Chua.

Doctor: Nathalie Miglias is a middle aged woman with a remarkable sense of cheer. She is quite portly and not at all attractive, but makes up for it with her smile and jesting manner. She encountered the supernatural when she uncovered a mage modifying embryos in awful ways. For that offence she lost her job and had to abandon her identity for her own safety. She still has a husband and children but they don't know where she is or what her new name is. She is an excellent doctor and geneticist with an agile mind and firm hand.

Security Head: Benjamin Chua is a small Chinese man who runs the security of the pharmaceutical corporation. He does both grounds security and corporate espionage. He is an expert at what he does, even if he is slightly paranoid. He has a forceful personality and loves to start (and win) arguments. Mr. Chua has run into supernatural creatures several times, and has survived -- though more through quick thinking than physical prowess. He lives with (and supports) his parents, and is dating a girl -- mostly at their insistence.

Executive: Roman Halco is a heavy set business man with a competitive streak, a fondness for formal learning as opposed to official, a sense of entitlement, and a grudge against the supernatural. He was once the target of a demon assassination, which Mr. Chua averted. Ever since he has been funding money to fight the supernatural in general and immortals in particular (he is convinced an immortal was behind the attack, and Mr. Chua agrees). He is a ruthless businessman, and mostly single (though with constant romantic 'flings').

There are of course, others, but these are your main points of contact.

Refplace:

your character is insufficiently round. your ST and DX are BOTH 10s. Your character is weaker than average and slightly clumsy*. He is too close to being a spell caster only. You will need to raise his physical stats to an acceptable state.

Primative(TL 4) is denied. You should at least have TL 5, and possibly TL 6.

I assume you want a ruling on the code of honor and the signature look. The code of honor is -5 for standard playing, -10 for a character who intentionally stands back to let others perform, never speaks non-cryptically, and so forth.

I'm not sure if signature look is suppose to be a quirk, a perk, or a feature. Its good imagery though.

Cosmic Modular abilities-- umm.... no. At least not without limiting it quite a bit more. And I think the individual uses you want it for are things I won't allow as being too unbalanced. Ritual perk mastery would count as enhancing magic with magic, and would also be a way to get +2 to all paths for 10 points (a big no-no). Disturbingly personal information on a whim is very game breaking in a monster hunters setting and unfair to anyone who spent points on hidden lore or area knowledge. A language/culture version wouldn't be off limits though-- though it would be of fairly limited use.

Payload is fine, though you may just want to use the spell matrix walker has been working on and buy a grimoire for it.

Were is the leveled ritual mastery coming from? reference? I may just plain shoot it down, but I'll read the rule first. ditto for speed casting (though thats more likely to make it through)

Hibernate: looks good, though if you probably need a range on there to sense people with great destinies. I'll allow that particular effect to use long range modifiers though.

Cosmic dodge is a weird build. Part of me wants to do an 'add a bonus build', but I don't see how to do it. And I feel really stupid not getting this, but you'll need to walk me through the math on the advantage (PM or the thread in the GURPS forum).

Divination is too broad to be a valid ritual. You need to at least specify what kind of question it works for. (likely hood of winning battles, the weather, and general locations would be valid question types qualifying for a single ritual).

I'm not sure what hall of records does. If it as I guess creates the ability to peruse the common knowledge of mankind, you need some more modifiers (such as area). If its just to rearrange the Modular abilities, let me know. At any rate, I need a better explaination.

Ennui should be a spirit or undead effect, not a mind one (despite this, I will allow one ritual for both paths). A destroy mind effect would work only if it was cast on a mind before the emotion was consumed, and would have two durations -- one for the length of the protection, the other the length of the hunger.

Ghostly movement is fine. Fleetness of Raven is fine. Fools balance is good, but I keep on looking for perfect balance included with it (not mandatory, just a fluff thing). Shadow walk is fine. The ley line thing is good, but don't expect the ley lines to go exactly where you want them to (though from one place of power to another is a fairly safe bet). void shield is fine. Spell ward and deflect spell are good and legal, but be aware of the fine print -- using any conditional spell other than a charm voids spell ward, and it counts as a classic ward with all the acompanying rules. Behold is fine. Banish is fine. Hidden Arsenel is fine.

Paths and thuamology have some interesting design decisions. Thaumology is at 19, which is two higher than it needs to be for the cap (the talents that boost paths also boost thaumology for the purpose of capping only). Crossroads has been bought up to 23, which is unusuable as far as I can read -- the cap for it is still at 19. This isn't illegal or forbidden, just useless. Let me know if I'm misunderstanding something.

The rest of the skills look fine. Be aware research will often take TL penalties (or it may not).

Matrix Walker: Yes, I know you're there. I'm seriously considering rejected the layered armour perk. MH isn't about armour.

Ransom, Top Tom Cat:
are you still there?

*I run NPC's at average DX and IQ 10.5, and average male ST 11. You may depend on this as actual averages (as opposed to me declaring 10 is average and then having every NPC expected to fight having DX 12).