2000 Things I am no longer allowed to do in a Traveller game

[pnewman]

1) Not allowed to make low altitude multi mach flyovers of towns on planets with tainted atmospheres just to blow every window in town and cause massive allergic reactions to the hallucinogenic taint. [Pysadi].

2) Not allowed to refer to the ships captain who agreeed to let me buzz the town at Mach 1.5 as a 'Dread Ethically-Challenged-Merchant', even if he is one.

3) Chirpers are not the other, other, other white meat.

4) Not allowed to use my Imperial Warrant to buy Meson guns.

5) Not allowed to have an Imperial Warrant.

6) Not allowed to Fast-Talk anyone who has an Imperial Warrant.

7) Not allowed to meet anyone who has an Imperial Warrant.

8) Taverchadel do not automatically have German accents.

9) While on a diplomatic mission I am not allowed to tell the Zhodani "We don't hate you because you're psionic. We hate you because you keep invading us. We hate psionics because you're the sort of people who have them."

10) The Imperial Navy will sometimes imploy a strategy other than "Nuke them from orbit, it's the only way to be sure."

11) Plan B is not automatically "Twice as much TDX as Plan A."

12) Not allowed to bring muti million credit civil suits against people who shot me, on the grounds that loss of my, er, 'companionship' is worth that much in dammages to my very Noble lover.

13) Especially not allowed to submit love letters as proof of 'companionship'.

14) The X-boat systems moto is not "X-Boat - when it absolutely, positively, has to be there late enough that Nobles and Mega-Corporations have a big advantage."

[TheDS]

15. Can't throw grenades while on a spacecraft.

16. Especially when near the hull.

17. Shouldn't argue about whether or not it was a good idea while the GM is smiling evilly.

18. But if it does happen, I won't just stand there when I see the GM pick up a large book to slam down on the table, to simulate the detonation of the grenade (and end the argument), then get sucked out into space and have a whole new set of problems. (As if my problems weren't bad enough if I had to throw a grenade while in a spacecraft.)

19. I will not diss the radio operator because he doesn't have any combat skills, because just as sure as I do, he's going to get buried by a building right about the time I need him to call HQ and call off the nuclear strike on our location.

20. Even though I have a grav belt and battle dress, if I'm ever dumb enough to attack a reinforced platoon of Imperial troops and Trepida grav tanks, I will not fly in front of one of those tanks trying to drop a grenade down the gun barrel, miss, and NOT fly back out of its line of fire.

21. I will not LMAO at the [strike]fool[/strike] poor, misguided soul who gets vaporized by doing the above.

22. Especially if I'm the GM.

23. If I'm about to steal a "fighter" from an aircraft carrier, and the GM asks if I want to use the "catapult", I will not assume that the "fighter" doesn't need the "catapult" when I try to take off.

24. Even if it's a flying aircraft carrier.

25. I will not kill people the GM is trying to use to give me information, which I need to know to make an informed decision on how much to trust my new employer.

26. I will no longer start games by saying, "Your previous job netted you a megacredit apiece."

27. Especially if this is my first-ever attempt to GM a game.

28. Even if I want the PCs to be able to buy their own ship, and I'm the kinda guy that likes to let the PCs do what they want.

29. Because 6 megacredits isn't enough to buy even a share of the most decrepit ship, but it's plenty to give everyone whatever weapons they want, thereby raising the power-level of the game a lot higher than I'll be prepared for, causing me to have to compensate with things like reinforced platoons of Imperial troops and flying aircraft carriers.

[pnewman]

30) May no longer introduce Geonee with "Say hello to my little friend."

31) No Hiver is named M. Anipulator.

32) Although some smaller starport facilities may consist of little more than parked small craft I may never again steal a set of starport offices, fly them into the back of our subsidized merchant, and sell them as habitation to a belter in the next system - even if we need the money.

33) When the Duke of Regina asks me what I think of his planet I should not explain that the air is much too thick, and suggest that every structure on the planet should be 10 kilometers up, where the air is actually thin enough to breathe, just because my characters home planet is atmosphere 5.

34) Cracked zucchi crystals may not be fixed with duct tape, at least not on a ship any players will travel on.

35) When I see someone in a Naval uniform, this does not mean that I need to look around for the policeman, construction worker, and the Indian chief.

[Ed the Coastie]

36. Just because it worked for Bernardo O'Higgins in the 19th Century does not mean that I can get away with rounding up hundreds of the local cattle-equivalents and stampede them through the middle of a TL5 frontier town as the key component of my plan for neutralizing the garrison.

37. Especially if I already know that said garrison consists of a heavy platoon of vile and degenerate mercenaries recruited from the guardhouse scrapings of a dozen systems and equipped with black-market LEMB-20 battle rifles and suits of Rearden battledress.

[Easterner9504]

38. Damage control: When your Liason says, "Your a fat idiot" to a planetary chieftan when the translator fails him; it is not improved by saying, He didn't mean to say 'Your a fat idiot' he meant to say; Your an ugly fat idiot."

[Ed the Coastie]

39. I am not allowed to provide cheap C-rations for the Vargr troops by simply relabeling cans of Alpo.

40. Nor am I allowed to reprogram the entertainment system in their barracks to only show Lassie reruns.

41. Making them watch Old Yeller is right out.

42. I have never used an air/raft to hunt whomp-rats in Begger's Canyon.

[Apache]

43. I will not sell 'Hello Kitty' merchandise to Aslan.

44. Especially Cultural Aslan.

45. Even if they like it. *shudders*

46. I will also avoid selling them any anime with 'catgirls' in it.

47. Especially if it contains tentacles.

48. I will also no longer tell Vargr/Aslan that the nearby furry convention is part of the 'Authenticist' Movement, and that they should visit it for the cultural experience.

49. Even when the furry convention staff bribes me to do so.

[DoctorRomulus]

50. Play a Vargr named Fifi who wears pink bow on his head and carries a BFG-10K Plasma Rifle because it looks good with his ensemble.

[Voidstar]

51. Pay Vargr mercs with denta bones and dynavites (pet vitamins)...

52. Reset the sonic shower for the Aslan to autofluff...

53. Change out the Sargents Ablat with TDX...

54. Remove monkey bars 5,6 and 7 in the engineering jefferys tube...

55. Replace the engineers multi tool with a black 2 week old banana...

56. Paint the troop carrier "battle pink" with glitter effects...

57. Feed the ship's cat "Felax" and anchovies...

58. Empty the fresher storage tank into the rival merchants ships boat...

59. Sell rival merchant ships by switching docking bay number plates...

[Steve Jackson]

60. Sell "Think HONK If You're A Telepath" shirts in front of the Zhodani Embassy.