Terrifying GM Statements

[(E)]

You have been granted a wish. . . . .

[evileeyore]

Originally Posted by Humabout

PC: Dehydrating water?! This is exactly what I mean! What the hell?!

:spittake:

[Flyndaran]

Originally Posted by vicky_molokh

Sorry, somehow I managed to confuse 0 and 1 while typing. Now fixed. I'd be grateful if you fixed it in the quote.

As for 'overriding': not really. Think of it: there is an integer of hours, an integer of minutes, an integer of seconds and so on on the display of the clock. There are 24 hours in a nychthemeron. The counter is incremented when a whole hour passes since midnight. No whole hours (zero hours) have passed at a few minutes past midnight, so it's the hour #0.
I mean, look at minutes: you don't have minutes starting from 00:01 and reaching 00:60. You have minutes going from 00:00 to 00:59:59, past which you go to 01:00:00.

Back to statements:
Your housecat and your [amphibious cephalopod] had a fight, and both of them are near 0HP now, with broken ribs and deep claw cuts respectively, wounded but stable. That's the good news about them.
(The party got nervous.)

Spoiler:  

Continued statement:
The bad news is that there's too much iron and crystals in the cat.
Further clarification:

Spoiler:  

A mnemocrystal (think microcomputer), an antenna and a microphone.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acoustic_Kitty

Still sounds like how many confuse the 18th century with the 1800s.
That weird CIA cat story sounds both desperate and genius. But both versions of what happened to said cat and why the project was cancelled sound dubious. Perfect for even lightly weird campaigns. Heck, works for low magic courtly intrigue games, too.

(Fixed your typo. Odd how changing a quote, even when told to by the author, makes me fell "naughty".)

[Flyndaran]

Originally Posted by evileeyore

Player: "Irregardless of that my character Jocasta will..."

GM: "Rocks fall and Jocasta dies irregardless of any defenses."

Ah, but he doesn't die. He just suffers enough brain damage to make those "pacific" kind of quotes applicable.
I kid too.

[Flyndaran]

Originally Posted by Humabout

GM: Al Werid, Lord of the Eternal Lexicon and Bringer of Justice appears and declares, "For the flagrant use of 'irregardless', which is not a word, I hereby sentence you to death for your word crimes!"

More on point...

PC: I want to know who keeps making these stupid magical traps! I mean is there some guy sitting around asking himself, "what completely useless magical item can I make to hose people over today"? Anyway, I drink some water from the bowl.
GM: Roll HT-2.
PC: What? ~clank~ Nooo!
GM: The water causes 2d fatigue loss with the dehydration modifier.
PC: Dehydrating water?! This is exactly what I mean! What the hell?!

Who makes all those game keys that work once then break? That guy must be the really charming mega-richest character never mentioned.

[simply Nathan]

Originally Posted by (E)

You have been granted a wish. . . . .

That one's only terrifying if it's given to someone else at the table.

[robkelk]

Originally Posted by simply Nathan

That one's only terrifying if it's given to someone else at the table.

Or the GM goes into Literal Genie mode and the player doesn't expect that.

[Disliker of the mary sue]

Originally Posted by robkelk

Or the GM goes into Literal Genie mode and the player doesn't expect that.

Honestly I don't I ever heard of a story of a wish going well in a rpg and I think several books with those kind of things encourage the gm to be a jackass genie.

[dripton]

Originally Posted by Humabout

PC: I want to know who keeps making these stupid magical traps! I mean is there some guy sitting around asking himself, "what completely useless magical item can I make to hose people over today"? Anyway, I drink some water from the bowl.
GM: Roll HT-2.
PC: What? ~clank~ Nooo!
GM: The water causes 2d fatigue loss with the dehydration modifier.
PC: Dehydrating water?! This is exactly what I mean! What the hell?!

That was me. In Humabout's defense, I believe that "treasure" was generated with some random table, not something he placed on purpose.

IMO minor, annoying cursed items just sitting around mixed into loot are *far* too common in fantasy games. Why spend all that cash to make a cursed item to get a wee bit of ineffective revenge on the people who killed you and took your stuff? At that point you're dead and it doesn't matter. Why not spend the money on a useful item that helps keep them from killing you and taking your stuff instead? Think positive.

The only reasonable explanation I can come up with for common cursed items is that they're the result of critical failures on enchanting rolls. It's not that there are a bunch of wizards making -1 swords on purpose; they're aiming for +1 swords and rolling 18s and then extracting some salvage value. But how realistic is that really? Do highly-skilled craftsmen sell their worst work at a discount, or do they melt it down and hide the evidence to protect their reputation?

(I know, arguing for economic rationality is a bit weird in a DF game.)

[Tomsdad]

"right what direction are you each looking in, don't think, just answer"


"what do you judge is the most solid looking object withing 2 yards of your current position"


"OK mark off a FP and you hit him, ooh nice you rolled a critical followed by max damage and no DR, (makes notes) ...right OK his turn"