Memorable Quotes.

[digoraccoon]

Originally Posted by combatmedic

Why didn't he play along with the threat to sell him back to Elena?

The villain hates idiots. It's a weakness of a sort with him, always correcting people's ignorant thinking. And perhaps in a way he was just tired of it all and figured death was preferable than to continue dealing with morons.
Though it's just my theory as I'm not the GM. :)



GM: "Now, if I combine a centaur with a minotaur I get-"
Me: "Taur-taur sauce?"

[Bruno]

Gareth, Satyr barbarian, has been rolling a string of crits after being ambushed by a python.

* Gareth pulls the snake off his body by main strength, shouting, "RAAAAH I deal with bigger snakes than you every time I [use the gentlemans facilities]!" (censored for forum)
Doug: OK. that was awesome Gareth-quote
Mark: We like Gareth.

[Bruno]

Liveblogging:
Player 2 to Player 1, discussing quick elven flings: "Where else do you think you get little quicklings from?"
GM: "Shaken eladrin syndrome."

GM: "You euthanize a stunned goblin."

[Bruno]

So, on Sunday I just couldn't keep up with everything from laughing too hard. Fortunately another player is a faster typist than I am, and shakes less while giggling.

Me, writing down treasure: "Terror longsword..."
PC1: "Spell it with a P!"
Me: "You can't spell... wait... NO."
PC1: "But a carnivorous sword with wings would be awesome."

On the Draft Bear pulling a cart
PC3: "It has huge claws!"
PC2: "They're for eating Dire Berries."
PC1: "I want Direberry wine!"
Me: "The Hair Of The Dog would be nasty."

PC3: "BEARS DO NOT HAVE A CLOACA!"


On Udo Kier and his making the movie "Spermula":
PC4: "For european actors, starring in porn is like military service."
PC1, looking perplexed and a little horrified: "Regimented and demanding?"

On lousy descriptions in preprinted flavour text:
GM: "An elf wearing a short green and brown tunic and holding a bow steps out, and..."
Me: "I can't help but notice he's not wearing pants."
GM, checking description again: ".... he's not wearing pants!"
PC1: "I'm sorry, have we interrupted something?"
GM: "He's, uh, 'holding a bow'"

GM: "You stare at the elf until he grows pants."
PC5: [slurping noise..... POP]

PC5: "We oppose the iron ring!"
Me: "You oppose safe bridges everywhere?"
PC5: "Huh?"
GM: "The villains are the Iron Circle mercenaries, from the Iron Keep. An iron ring is the thing that I'm wearing on my finger."

PC5: "I spent my childhood on drugs and being sent into battle for the glory of Bahamut."
PC1: "I spent my childhood on another plane in a wonderful palace waiting hand and foot on a Djinn who loved me very much. *I* am normal."

Me: "I'm the anti-Rapunzel"
GM: "You throw your hair into towers?"
Me: "....Yes, and then the prince pulls me up."

Me: "Bahamut is basically the trope definer for Crystal Dragon Jesus"
PC5: "Yeah. The main difference between Jesus, Aslan, and Bahamut is that Bahamut didn't die..... wait, that's it! That's the answer! We must SACRIFICE Bahamut for our sins!"
Me: "This is why we say your character is from a CULT."

PC5: "Do you guys have a problem with Bahamut? 'Cause he's AWESOME."
PC2: "Maybe you shouldn't talk."

GM: "You're wearing a frog as a tutu."
PC1: "I go berserk."

PC2: "I'm an elf. I was raised by wolves!"
GM: "Other than stabbing things, what are your skills?"
PC2: "I run down deer, in a pack!"
GM: "Please tell me you took the Nature skill"
PC2: "No"
Me: "There's a reason he no longer runs with wolves"
PC5: "They fired him! For incompetence!"

And a few hits from Out Of Context Theater:

PC5: "Am I supposed to have 16 teeth?"

PC2: "I have a big enough axe to make this work!"

GM: "The 'naginata of wisdom' would normally mean not attaching the spear to the end of the staff."

PC1: "It's a birthday cake! For the god of chaos!"

[Mark Skarr]

Kurt: “You were there with your glamazon girlfriend.”
Tony: “She’s not my girlfriend.”
Kurt: “I know you popular kids, just date and drop, get what you want and move on.”
Savannah (the glamazon in question): “It’s like pokemon. Gotta catch ‘em all.”
Tony: “What?”
Savannah: “STD’s, I mean.”

[UAG_Ranger]

So, our cat-person rogue climbed down a pit to check if it was safe and then this happened -->

Cat-person: Do you have any rope?

Rune mage: HERE YA GO! (throws whole thing of rope down the pit)

Cat-person: MAN! WHAT THE HELL!!!!

Rune mage: don't worry ill be right down there. (jumps down and nearly dies)

Laughter ensues... for almost a half hour.

[Phaelen Bleux]

Our party was lost, but we knew we were near the coastline.

I announce I am going to save the party, and Seek Plant, looking for kelp.

Entire party looks bewildered. . .I point out that direct to kelp = direction to coastline, ergo, we are no longer lost.

Trying to save his ego, the ranger says "Why didn't you cast Seek Beluga Whale!!??"

To which I only respond: "Because I don't have Seek Beluga Whale."

[johndallman]

Originally Posted by Mark Skarr

Me: "Oh, no. We're not here to protect them. We're here to protect you from them."

PC "We're taking you into protective custody."

NPC "Protection from who?"

PC "Ah... us, mostly."

[vicky_molokh]

From my earlier SWTOR days, though it's a quote that could be equally at home in a TT RPG:

On Hutta, my Bounty Hunter and two Imperial Agents are running through the 'woods' in search of another criminal base of operations. I show some less obvious routes that are optimal.
Agent 1: "You know, having you around is kinda useful."
Bounty Hunter, shrugging: "I know my way around. I grew up on Hutta."
Agent 2: "My condolences."

[Mark Skarr]

Following a nightmare episode of the Secret Teen Supers game.

Alice: “I could feel everything they were putting the creature through. It really hurt. I spent most of the dream screaming.”
Doctor 1: “What was the creature? Anything you tell us might help.”
Alice: “I don’t think so.”
Doctor 2: “Please, Alice.”
Alice: “Well . . . it looked like a large Brazil nut with tentacles.”
Doctor 1: “Uh-huh. Where did it come from?”
Alice: “An egg I laid in the dream.”
Trixie: “You laid an egg?”
Alice: “Yeah, after having sex with a larger Brazil nut with tentacles.”
Doctors 1 and 2: “Uh-huh.”
Alice: “It was a dream! I told you it wasn’t going to help!”