Stupid and funny stories in general

[Jetman123]

D&D, GURPS, munchkin, shadowrun, the system doesn't matter.

TPK, miscellanious acts of stupidity, miscommunications, funny misunderstandings of the rules, groupthink, nor does the type matter.

Post any story you think might give others a laugh. Something stupid or really funny you or your players have done.

Generally the groups I play with have been pretty good with separating IC and OOC knowledge and doing reasonable things, so I have a lack of this. Then again, I'm a newbie DM. (I like to think I keep my players entertained, but I'm too modest to say that. ;)) So perhaps I merely don't have the experience.

However, I have one experience here that might qualify.

One time I was running a two man d20 modern game, and since they were both relatively new to the system I ran them through an IC "training course" so they could get the idea of what they could and could not do, what tools were available to them and how they could be used (Guns, simple explosive charges for door breaching, some basic spy equipment), and finally, a treat, a heavy weapons range so they could see what serious bad boys Department 7 had in store for them if they needed some heavy firepower. (In retrospect, perhaps this was a mistake.)

So I start with a M2HB .50 BMG heavy machine gun, and have them punch holes in an old wrecked armored car. (One of the characters nearly wet his pants.) Then we move on to a Milkor Multiple Grenade Launcher. And finally, they got to fire either a Carl Gustav or an AT4 (I can't remember, my memory is foggy) at a tank pop-up.

So, the instructor goes on about safety precautions, yadda yadda yadda, and finishes by warning of the backblast. The players promptly disregard this and eagerly pick up the recoilless rifle, and fire it.

With the female one directly behind the firer...

"A large gout of flame bursts out of the back of the recoilless rifle as the rocket is fired, detonating against the paper target. The backblast engulfs Mina in a fireball."

As I informed her of this, there was about 30 seconds of silence.

Followed by "Oooo, pretty..." from Mina's player, followed by a "FWOOSH" sound effect.

Yeah, the game stopped for awhile while we got our laughter under control. :D

Needless to say Mina spent a while in the hospital burn ward, both were reprimanded for their complete disregard of safety protocols, and their first mission was delayed for a while while Mina got her new skin grafts.

[Irish Wolf]

In the old version of Top Secret, my government agent was investigating the hotel room of an enemy agent. Unbeknownst to me, a private investigator hired by an NPC was doing the exact same thing. Came the moment we entered the same room, immediately drawing down with our sidearms (my .38, his .45):

ME: Drop your gun!

HIM: You drop your gun!

ME: Why should I?

HIM: Because mine makes a bigger hole!

(pause)

ME: (dropping pistol) Good point.

That same adventure eventually wound up, some days later, with the two of us (along with a couple of other agents) laying siege to the Big Bad's hideout, a cave in an unnamed Middle Eastern country which was also used in a heroin-smuggling operation. My PI buddy used an M-203 we'd acquired earlier to launch a white-phosphorous grenade into the cave. My character inhaled some of the resulting smoke, causing him to experience euphoria and irrational behavior - in this instance, standing up and trying to mow down the bad guys in the truck (which had a gimbal-mounted M-60 in the bed), using one M-16 in each hand. By sheer luck, I actually managed to hit the driver, about the time the gunner caught me amidships with a burst of 7.62mm fire. I made several more rolls to ride the effects of the drugged smoke, ignoring my pain and continuing to fire for several minutes, until blood loss caught up with me... (The rest of the party wound up bandaging the wound and packing me out - I woke up in the American embassy, just in time to attend the debriefing with IV and vital-signs monitor in tow.)

[Ed the Coastie]

(I've posted this story elsewhere before...but I still think it's funny.)

I was playing an IFGS-based sword-and-sorcery LARP in which the PCs were hired to steal a clutch of "dragon eggs" (watermelons that had been spray-painted white) and return with at least one of them intact. Most of the PCs were newbies, with characters obviously inspired by their favorite AD&D characters. I was going along only because the GM was a friend of mine and talked me into it; he thought that the PCs might need some additional magical muscle from my long-established wizard character.

The adventure itself went smoothly; I cast a few spells here and there, but the newbies were acquitting themselves rather well and I spent most of my time just walking along behind them enjoying the scenery. Then we encountered a ravine that we had crossed previously courtesy of a rope bridge. The bridge was down now, and it was necessary to climb down one side of the ravine, cross the stream at the bottom, and then climb up the other side...all while carrying 4-5 "dragon eggs".

Just as we reached the top of the far side of the ravine, we encountered a horde of zombies.

This was supposed to be the final obstacle in the adventure, and the GM had pressed into service everyone not actually involved in running the encounter. Furthermore, each zombie had three "lives" in order to simulate a massive horde...once it was killed, the NPC would shuffle to the back of the pack to renew the assault.

Over the course of the battle, I ran out of magic...so I was eventually forced to draw a pair of shortswords and wade into melee. In the end, the battle was finished with three PCs (myself included) surviving and a single "dragon egg" intact. We were catching our breaths when we heard a thin voice call "Hold!"

Everyone looked around, wondering if someone had gotten injured. Then all eyes fell upon one of the other survivors, a scrawny "barbarian warrior" with a fake-fur diaper and cloak, thick-lensed glasses, and a (foam) battleaxe nearly as tall as he was. "What's the matter?" someone asked.

The barbarian pointed a finger at me. "Cairo's cheating!"

"How so?" came the reply.

He drew himself up to his full 5'6" or so height. "Everyone knows that wizards can't use swords!"

There was a pause, then the GM said, "Umm...dude...this isn't D&D."

[Jetman123]

Originally Posted by Irish Wolf

- in this instance, standing up and trying to mow down the bad guys in the truck with the gimbal-mounted M-60 in the bed, using one M-16 in each hand.

So your character has three hands? o.O

Seriously though, both of those made me laugh. Keep 'em coming

[Cyratos]

We were playing a random fantasy setting.

There were 5 of us PCs in the group ,when we encountered a barbarian that tresspased near our encampment. The barbarian obviously rushed in and started yelling on some wild language. After a minor fight, we knocked him on his feet, interrogating him.

Me: "Who are you and what do you want!?"

Barb: "I be barbarian, be from north, me wanting kill!"

Friend1: "Shut up and answer his question or I'll kill you with my knife!"

Barb": "Errr... graaagh... me be barbarian, me be wanting kill!"

Me: "Alright, just tie him with a rope, we'll see what to do with him tommorow, we're all kinda tired."

Friend2: "He's got the point there."

We tied the barbarian with all of our ropes, making him completely bounded.

Me: "Alright, leave the knife, Friend1"

Now, we were talking on croatian language all the time, and the word "leave" has almost the same meaning like "throw".

Friend1: "I throw it."

GM: "Roll your knife throwing skill."

And then we saw a lot of blood leaking from barbarian.

20 seconds of *gasp*

Friend2: "What loot did he drop?"

Burst of laughter started, due to the complete misunderstanding of my friend and me. :P

[moldymaltquaffer]

Near future/early cyberpunk conspiracy game, the PCs were (corrupt) plainclothes cops. It wound up being a comedy of errors. There were two moments that especially come to mind.

The bad guy had stolen one of the PC's car, used it to frame that PC, and ditched it in a high crime area. He thoughtfully left the door open, and the keys still in the ignition.
So by the time the PCs pulled up on the scene, there were a bunch of "youths" starting to get in for a joyride (or at least, quick cash from a local chop shop).
The PCs jumped out, yelling. The youths attempted to bolt on foot, and the PCs laid waste with shotguns/pistols, etc. But they managed to take one of the youths (who was begging for his life) into custody unharmed. The most cop-like of the PCs got in his face and demanded "Why did you run?"
The youth responded "Because we thought you was cops."
With no hesitation, one of the other PCs shouted "We are the cops!"
The table got very quiet as everyone turned to look at that player in horror.


The PCs broke into the house of a guy they knew to be bad, but hadn't put all the pieces together yet.
Inside his house, they find macabre art, body organs and medicine vials in the fridge, literature from Zero Population Growth, a room full of white rats in cages, microbiology texts, philosophy tracts-focusing heavily on Malthus and Nietchze, and a bunch of airtight vials with white or grey powder inside labled with three letter combinations like "SPX" and "ATX".
The narcotics cop jumped to the conclusion that these vials are full of illegal street drugs, and asked if he could identify them.
I rolled, and told him they didn't look much like the drugs he was used to encountering.
The player said, "I open one of the vials and taste the powder. Do I recognise the drug?"
I made some rolls, and said "No."
So he opened another one, and did the same. Only to receive the same reaction.
It was just after he'd tasted the fifth vial when I saw the light come on in his eyes, and the look of horror cross his face.

[Jetman123]

Originally Posted by moldymaltquaffer

It was just after he'd tasted the fifth vial when I saw the light come on in his eyes, and the look of horror cross his face.

So what were the substances? I'm afraid I don't get it.

[moldymaltquaffer]

The labels were for little things like SmallPoX, AnThraX, EBoLa, etc. Weaponized bioagents.

[Flyndaran]

Originally Posted by Jetman123

So what were the substances? I'm afraid I don't get it.

Most likely poisons or diseases like anthrax from all the clues.

[Irish Wolf]

2nd edition AD&D: There was a monster whose name I can't recall, that looked like a beholder with three main eyestalks and no lesser eyestalks. It was intelligent, Lawful Neutral, and typically summoned by wizards to guard their lairs or artifacts. The creature doesn't care for combat, so it'll happily discuss its capabilities and mission with the PCs in order to dissuade them from even trying anything. (And has some devastating attacks if they ignore it.)

Our party was exploring a traditional abandoned keep, and found the old wizard's lab, guarded by one of these creatures. It told us about the treasure it was guarding (some powerful magic items, which we really coveted), and that it could kick our butts halfway across the dungeon without half trying.

We'd been playing Toon the day before, and I was struck by an inspiration. I told the DM I wanted to try Fast-Talking the monster. He agreed to let me try, by laying forth my argument and making a save vs. Charisma (not my highest stat, as it happened). The creature had told us that it had been appointed to guard the treasure for 101 years, and had only been there for 99. I successfully convinced it that there had been a calendar revision a decade earlier, when there had been an argument between two kings, and that three years had been lost thereby; therefore, by the calendar, it had actually been 102 years, and the creature was free to go!

It vanished back to its home plane, we got the treasure, and the DM got us back later with another horrible encounter that he threw in at the last minute... :-)