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Old 06-08-2022, 08:46 PM   #81
Dalin
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Saint Paul, MN
Default Re: Favorite Gnomco Products

Gnomco Dodgy Tree™

Tired of pesky lumberjacks chopping down your favorite trees? Purchase a Dodgy Tree and those lumberjacks won't be singing anymore. Guaranteed¹ to evade all axe swings.

¹ Note that this is the only guarantee².
² Specifically, Gnomco does not guarantee reliability³ on other fronts.
³ For example, if your Dodgy Tree refuses to provide shade, throws crab apples at you, or shakes off your bird feeders, that's on you.
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Old 08-01-2022, 03:44 PM   #82
martinl
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Default Re: Favorite Gnomco Products

...
I see what you did there. LOL.
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Old 08-01-2022, 04:00 PM   #83
martinl
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Default Re: Favorite Gnomco Products

Gnomco Disturbingly Realistic³ Ventriloquist's Dummy™
A must for the bard in your life.¹ +2 on all ventriloquism performance rolls using the dummy. Guaranteed to never get lost.²

¹ Bard must roll 3d every night. On an 17+ the dummy animates (as an homogeneous doomchild with 3 extra DR) and tries to kill them. If it succeeds it moves on to targets of opportunity in the general vicinity.
² Specifically, no matter what happens, the dummy will be in your stuff when go to sleep. You can throw it in a volcano, strip naked, swim to the middle of a non-mana lake and sleep hanging from a harness 50' in the air hanging from a hot air balloon, and when you wake up you will be holding the dummy.
³ Yes, completely.

Last edited by martinl; 08-01-2022 at 05:04 PM.
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Old 11-29-2022, 11:37 AM   #84
martinl
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Default Re: Favorite Gnomco Products

Gnomco Giant Flower Egg™

Tired of small portions and boring-old dried rations? Try the Gnomco Flower Egg™! The top of this barrel of goodness opens like a flower when it is ready to eat!
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Old 11-29-2022, 02:45 PM   #85
johndallman
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Cambridge, UK
Default Re: Favorite Gnomco Products

Quote:
Originally Posted by martinl View Post
The top of this barrel of goodness opens like a flower when it is ready to eat!
Ready for delvers to eat, or ready for the flower to eat whatever it feels like?
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Old 11-30-2022, 06:26 AM   #86
sir_pudding
Wielder of Smart Pants
 
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Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Ventura CA
Default Re: Favorite Gnomco Products

Gnomco Emergency Life Support Egg™

Using the classic form factor of the Gnomco Flower Egg™, the Emergency Life Support Egg opens and deploys our patented Gnomco Self-Attaching Ventilator Mask. Once attached the mask places the patient safely into a medically induced coma while ensuring their lungs remain supplied with filtered, breathable air, even in the most inhospitable environments! In order to cope with emergency situations when medical personnel may not be available, we have equipped the mask with independent locomotion and the ability to locate persons in need of assistance on its own! Rest assured, you'll even be looking good when rescue does arrive; this biomechanical marvel's stylish looks were designed by renowned artist, H.R. Gnomger!

Last edited by sir_pudding; 11-30-2022 at 03:29 PM.
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Old 11-30-2022, 02:07 PM   #87
martinl
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Default Re: Favorite Gnomco Products

Gnomco Hench ... thing Egg™

Using the classic form factor of the Gnomco Flower Egg™, and the Gnomco Emergency Life Support Egg™, the Hench ... thing Egg is a surprisingly portable henchthing in flower-egg form. Simply place the egg inside a locked chamber with an incapacitated (but not dead) humanoid and wait. Less than one day later your new hench ... thing will melt through the door using its amazingly helpful acid powers.

Gnomco not responsible for hench ... thing recruitment, morale, or loyalty. Do not let hench ... thing into the walls. Do not bring hench ... thing back to Town. Do not taunt hench ... thing.
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Old 11-30-2022, 04:45 PM   #88
martinl
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by johndallman View Post
Ready for delvers to eat, or ready for the flower to eat whatever it feels like?
Yes.

567890
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Old 12-01-2022, 04:30 AM   #89
sir_pudding
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Location: Ventura CA
Default Re: Favorite Gnomco Products

Gnomco, The Only.Way To Be Sure

Due to product safety concern with our Flower Egg™ line of products, Gnomco is issuing a full recall, effective immediately.

This is the last voice you will ever hear.
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Old 12-01-2022, 10:53 AM   #90
martinl
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Default Re: Favorite Gnomco Products

Quote:
Originally Posted by sir_pudding View Post
Gnomco, The Only.Way To Be Sure

Due to product safety concern with our Flower Egg™ line of products, Gnomco is issuing a full recall, effective immediately.

This is the last voice you will ever hear.
Saturate the continent with aerially deployed Hellgnome Doomchildren, it's the only way to be sure.
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