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Old 09-11-2007, 10:21 PM   #61
tHEhERETIC
 
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Default Re: Memorable Quotes.

from Strategicon weekend before last.

"My Life with Master" I played a cook who could make anything taste good, except greens. Master demanded salad, but Master had the innkeeper's daughter in the dungeon. My cook went to the innkeeper and in her/my best creepy-little-girl voice, said,

"You will bring me the best salad evah, or your daughter becomes soup."

Better:
In Nomine Live I put all my player characters on an 18th-century brigantine, but took all the mortals from different periods in history. One character was an angel who was instructed to pretend he was a mental patient who was delusional i.e. thought he was the Marquis de Sade. So the early 18th century pirate talks to a few people and exclaims,
"The only person here who doesn't think I'm insane is the Marquis de Sade!"
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Old 09-25-2007, 10:57 AM   #62
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Default Re: Memorable Quotes.

Same dæmonspace campaign. Party is within a dystopian arcology.
Meleh (NPC, played by my GM, no relation to me): "Well, you need a place to live, because you have to sleep, and sleeping outdoors is an invitation for some cutthroat to quietly kill you for your possessions."
Dennis (Fighter): "Well, there's always the option of taking turns while sleeping."
'Robin Hood' (Dragonkin; true name unknown due to Compulsive Lying): "Fine. We'll go find a room and you take turns sleeping."
Dennis (Who has Alternate Form with Reciprocal Rest): "Okay, I'll always do that from now on."
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Old 09-25-2007, 12:38 PM   #63
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Default Re: Memorable Quotes.

Just found this thread, and where to begin >:)

GM: "Morning Comes"
Player: "Gah! Right in my eye!"

Player: "Can I have a parrot as a pet?"
GM: "No, you cannot have a Paragon as a pet."
Me: "Polly wants a SOUL"

While attempting to infiltrate a keep full of skeletons.
Player: "I can disguise myself as a woman."
GM: "I don't think the undead really care if you are male or female"
Player: "I could disguise myself as a skeleton."
GM, with a deep sigh: "That doesn't work either."
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Old 09-25-2007, 02:19 PM   #64
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Default Re: Memorable Quotes.

NPC (Character’s Mother): *Screams*
Me: “Keep it down, I’m trying to sleep!”
NPC: Bursting into my bedroom, “Arin, are you alright!?”
Me: “No: you’re waking me up! I didn’t get to sleep until 8!”
NPC: “Your cheerleading outfit is covered with blood! What happened?”
Me: “Oh, that. That was just from triage.”
NPC: “What were you doing in triage!?”
Me: “Well, the SWAT team wouldn’t let me go back to the front.”
NPC: “The front of what?”
Me: “Another rift opened last night. The SWAT guys made me stay with the EMTs so I helped out with triage.”
NPC: “Why was the SWAT team there?”
Me: “Because of the zombies that came out of the rift.”
NPC: “THERE WERE ZOMBIES IN THE RIFT?!”
Me: “Yeah. And not slow, plodding zombies, more like Romero-zombies, they were fast-ish.”
NPC: “And you never thought to run away?!”
Me: “Mom, it really is okay. I mean: I was just helping the EMTs out in triage while the SWAT team was busy putting down zombies that crawled out of some otherworldly rift in the ground.”
NPC: “You are never leaving the house again, young lady!”
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Old 09-27-2007, 07:14 AM   #65
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Default Re: Memorable Quotes.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mark Skarr
NPC (Character’s Mother): *Screams*
Me: “Keep it down, I’m trying to sleep!”
NPC: Bursting into my bedroom, “Arin, are you alright!?”
Me: “No: you’re waking me up! I didn’t get to sleep until 8!”
NPC: “Your cheerleading outfit is covered with blood! What happened?”
Me: “Oh, that. That was just from triage.”
NPC: “What were you doing in triage!?”
Me: “Well, the SWAT team wouldn’t let me go back to the front.”
NPC: “The front of what?”
Me: “Another rift opened last night. The SWAT guys made me stay with the EMTs so I helped out with triage.”
NPC: “Why was the SWAT team there?”
Me: “Because of the zombies that came out of the rift.”
NPC: “THERE WERE ZOMBIES IN THE RIFT?!”
Me: “Yeah. And not slow, plodding zombies, more like Romero-zombies, they were fast-ish.”
NPC: “And you never thought to run away?!”
Me: “Mom, it really is okay. I mean: I was just helping the EMTs out in triage while the SWAT team was busy putting down zombies that crawled out of some otherworldly rift in the ground.”
NPC: “You are never leaving the house again, young lady!”
That s___ is funny!

you have all been talking about things your players have said I actually have something that was said by someone who was not even in the game.

I had a GM that had his own style of game based off of an amalgamation of the various final fantasy games at the time. all the 4 main characters had "limit break" abilities which the GM would describe in awesome detail. while we were playing in the rec room of an apartment complex at one point he was describing just such an event. In the middle of the event someone who was walking by just stopped, waited until the event was over and when it was the description was so awesome that they dropped their jaw and said:

OOOOOOOH S___!

from that point forward everything really awesome has been an OH S___ moment
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Old 09-27-2007, 08:29 PM   #66
peruses
 
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Default Re: Memorable Quotes.

so my character tonight opens his bgas to discover a few aditional items were placed there including a live chicken who woke from stasis when the bag was opened he say's "I'll keep the thong and the whipped cream but I'm not chasing after the chicken
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Old 09-28-2007, 10:25 AM   #67
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Default Re: Memorable Quotes.

When playing a half elven, incredibly childish mage I was traveling with a female thief that had decided (Behind a long story) to cut her hair and begin to dress like a man (a disguise). When my character saw her for the first time, the following occurred:

GM: "You see Mirror walking down the street"
Thief: "I try to get her attention"
GM: "How do you do this?"
Thief: "I wave my hands around and call to her"
GM: "Okay. Mirror, there is some guy screaming, flailing his arms, and running toward you."
Me: "I cast Charm Person"

Rolling dice, saving throw failed

Thief: "Mirror, it's me"
Me: "What happened to your hair?"
Thief: "I cut it. What was that spell you just cast?"
Me: "Oh. It was, uh, a protective spell. This city is dangerous. I decided to cast a spell on you so that nothing can hurt you."
Thief: "Why thank, Mirror"

Later in the game the thief is captured by the head of the assassins guild

Thief: "You can't hurt me. My best friend, Mirror, cast a protective spell on me"
Assassin: "O'Rlly. Show me."

Battle ensues. The funny part about it was that the PC kept rolling critical hits, and the GM kept rolling 1. After severely thrashing a character 5 levels higher than her, she was instructed that she could make no more saves against the Charm spell until she was injured in combat.
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Old 09-28-2007, 02:23 PM   #68
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Default Re: Memorable Quotes.

I've posted this before elsewhere, but it's still kind of funny...

Several years ago, a good friend of mine was running a sword-and-sorcery LARP for a bunch of newbies and invited me to accompany them in order to give them a bit of heavy-duty magical assistance if need be. (I play a magic-user.) For all that they had obviously based their LARP characters on their favorite RPG characters, they were doing a good job; I spent much of the adventure just hanging back, enjoying the walk casting the occasional spell.

Eventually we came to the climactic battle, in which we had to fight our way past a horde of zombies. In order to simulate the seemingly-endless number of zombies, each zombie NPC would, upon being killed, rotate back to the rear of the pack. They would do this a total of six times each. Each zombie was individually rather easy to kill...but there were effectively something like 60 of them.

The newbies were in fine form, but this was why I had been brought along. I threw spell after spell until I ran out of mana, then drew a pair of shortswords and waded into the fray.

Just as the battle was wrapping up, we heard a thin voice call "Hold!" Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked around, wondering who had been hurt.

One of the newbie PCs stepped forward and pointed at me. He was a scrawny barbarian clad only in a fake-fur diaper and a plastic horned helmet that kept slipping down over his thick-lensed glasses. "Cairo's cheating!"

The referee looked at me, then back at the barbarian. "How do you mean?"

"He's fighting with swords. Everybody knows that magic-users can't use swords! He's supposed to have a staff, just like Arcanus here." He indicated one of his buddies, who was indeed playing a magic-user.

There was silence for a moment, before the referee replied, "Dude...this isn't D&D..."
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Old 09-28-2007, 02:26 PM   #69
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Default Re: Memorable Quotes.

Asgard: "Finally, we found her."
Mathew: "Ariel, it's good to see you're okay."
Ariel (Me): "Where the h**l am I, Mathew? And who's that?"
Mathew: "That's Asgard, Morpheous decided you needed more protection."
Ariel: "Who? Who did you say?"
Mathew: (looks trapped) "Uh . . . no one."
Ariel: "Morpheous? Was that the name? Whose Morpheous?"
Mathew: "Uh, no one."
Ariel: "Spill it!"
Mathew: "Well, he's just this guy . . ." (under his breath) "who might be the King of Dreams."
Ariel: "KING OF DREAMS?"
Asgard: "Good going."
Mathew: "Yeah. I guess."
Ariel: "Why does the King of Dreams care about me?"
Mathew: "That doesn't matter, what matters is we found you."
Ariel: "Where am I?"
Asgard: "The ***-end of the dreamrealm."
Ariel: "Is that why it looks like such a dump? Why hasn't anyone fixed it? Like this?"
Me (ooc to GM): I'll revitalized the land, make it all green and idyllic. Kinda like the first level of Overlord where it's all pretty and peaceful and there are all those sheep bounding around that your minions jump onto and beat over the head until they die.
MonkeyFist (GM): **GNURGH!** (Grips his head.) "Oh! We're done!" (Wanders off to the bathroom)
Other players look around at each other, quizzically. I'm asking, out loud "What'd I do?"
MF (after his return): "The next problem was going to be a group of beastmen . . . the Warhammer kind?"
Me (only other player to play Warhammer): "Oh, I'm sorry."
MF (to rest of group): "They're sheep."
MF: "Yeah, the Baaaaa-barian Menace!
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Old 09-28-2007, 03:08 PM   #70
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Default Re: Memorable Quotes.

One of the classics:

Player1: "My mage casts Invisibility on himself and run into the castle"
Player2: "When he reaches the castle gate, I distract the guards"
Player1: "When I reach the gate? I'm invisible!"
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