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Old 07-03-2018, 04:03 PM   #1
martinl
 
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Default Favorite Gnomco Products

Split off of Evil Runes thread, because there is a lot of potential here:

What are your favorite Gnomco products?

I like a big ol' bottle of Gnomco Rune Be Gone. Sure it's heavy and expensive, but for convenient removal of Evil Runes (or unwanted skin) it's hard to beat!

Last edited by martinl; 07-04-2018 at 01:29 PM.
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Old 07-03-2018, 04:40 PM   #2
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Default Re: Favorite Gnomco Products

Gnomco's Barrel of Gnomes © ® ™ (Patent Pending) is perfect for the party that is down a Thief or just can't find it in them to trust one.

Just deploy the barrel* into the Trapped Tomb or Deceptive Dungeon and wait for the Gnomes to return†. Guaranteed‡ to remove all traps they find or your money back!


* Gnomco is not liable for any problems or loot disappearances related to Barrel of Gnomes should the barrel be shaken, rolled, dropped, jostled, placed at an improper angle, handled roughly, carried on it's side, carried upright, carried upside down, unmarried, left unattended for more than 12.5 turns, or kept undeployed for more than 3 hours after purchase.

† Time estimate equal to thrice the distance to the deployment from nearest town plus one day.

‡ Guarantee void upon deployment of barrel.
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Old 07-03-2018, 09:01 PM   #3
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Default Re: Favorite Gnomco Products

Let's not forget the patented Gnomco Sword-Sight! Sure it adds a little weight and makes the sword a bit unwieldy, but the ranged combat benefits are surely worth it!

Last edited by martinl; 07-04-2018 at 07:21 AM.
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Old 07-04-2018, 07:23 AM   #4
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Default Re: Favorite Gnomco Products

I'm also very fond of Gnomco's new line of Doomkid-Style Gnamola Bars. I can eat them until I explode!
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Old 07-04-2018, 04:05 PM   #5
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Default Re: Favorite Gnomco Products

Quote:
Originally Posted by martinl View Post
Let's not forget the patented Gnomco Sword-Sight! Sure it adds a little weight and makes the sword a bit unwieldy, but the ranged combat benefits are surely worth it!
Surely if you're putting sights on weapons you will want to look into Gnomco's full line of TakyGlue© ® ™ Sling Accessories!

The Hard Sights[1], the Underline Mini-Lantern Hook [2], the Wrist-mounted InFrau-VisionScope [3], the Ever-DeepPouch Ammo System [4], and the Orchalkum© ® ™ Chain Loop Lanyard [5] are all among the best of Gnomco's many sling and sling-like accessories!

Of, if you're going this deep into the realm of TakyGlue© ® ™ sling upgrades, how can you pass up the (Patent Pending) Gnomco Totally Mineral Alkahest© ® ™ line of Chain Slings! Made in three bold styles: Elfy-Mithroll[6], Dwarvite-Orchalkum[7], and Gnomish-Alkalium[8]!


1 - Not to be confused with Gnomco's Soft Sights™ for bows, the Hard Sights™ are mounted on the pouch and loop and offer a Truly Unique® method of sighting the enemy. As a bonus the sling also doubles as a light flail!

2 - Cast light onto the battlefield and occasionally burning oil onto your enemies*!

3 - This item is sold 'as is', though Gnomco is working around the clock to resolve the our issue user has reported. However, Gnomco's division of philosophers believes that the device has been cursed by the Gods and thus the Germanic ladies will always appear in sight despite Gnomco's best efforts to reduce this occurrence.

4 - One of Gnomco's most requested sling accessory, the Ever-Deep™ Pouch Ammo System ensures that the slinger is never without bullet again!

5 - Made of purest Orchalkum™ this lanyard is guaranteed to never break!

6 - Made from the lightest of metals known to Gnomekind this sling chain is hardier than leather and lighter than iron! As a bonus small links can be broken off and fed to your Barbarian to keep them in a stable calm mood!

7 - Used exclusively by the famous Dwarven Clan Slingers, the Dwarfite-Orchlakum™ is the heaviest metal our alchemists could dream up! Virtually unbreakable**!

8 - A favorite among Assassins, the Gnomish-Alkalium™ Sling can be excitingly disposed of in any body of water.



* Gnomco not liable for any burns the user suffers as a result or proper or improper usage.

† Garauntee void unless used only in sterile, safe environments.

‡ Gnomco is not liable in any way should you fail to keep the Elfy-Mithroll Sling well-oiled.

** Gnomco does not guarantee unbreakability outside of virtual environments.
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Last edited by evileeyore; 07-04-2018 at 04:11 PM.
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Old 07-05-2018, 05:28 PM   #6
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Default Re: Favorite Gnomco Products

Personally I find Gnomco Self-Porting Ration Packs extremely useful for keeping my encumbrance penalty down, and tasty to boot. Cow! for those long quests is hard to beat, and Chicken! is great for the shorter dungeons. The promotional material for the vegan option (Crushroom!) makes it look very tasty and healthy to boot, but there seem to be no product reviews at all. Weird.
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Old 07-06-2018, 02:04 AM   #7
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Default Re: Favorite Gnomco Products

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Originally Posted by martinl View Post
The promotional material for the vegan option (Crushroom!) makes it look very tasty and healthy to boot, but there seem to be no product reviews at all. Weird.
That made me chuckle. And now I want to see Veggiepygmy porters that are laden down with salad dressing and flatware...
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Old 07-06-2018, 07:37 AM   #8
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Default Re: Favorite Gnomco Products

So, does Gnomco have a famed proprietor/founder? The Uncle Al of the dungeoneering world, as it were?
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Old 07-06-2018, 08:15 AM   #9
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Default Re: Favorite Gnomco Products

Gnomco: Solutions Seeking Problems Since The Fall Of The Ancient Empire

If you've ever asked "How bad could it be?", run – don't walk – to your nearest licensed Gnomco reseller!


Universal Toolkit

The problem with toolkits is that they're heavy: 20 lbs. for a kit to scrape the orc out of your new armor and adjust the fit, another 20 lbs. for one to fix your sword after your idiot friend used it to pry open a chest, and 20 lbs. more for the tools to tinker with crossbows*. The Universal Tool Kit™ puts an end to all that. Fully modular, this 20-lb. kit can fix anything – even things you didn't know needed fixing! – up to and including injured friends. It's the last kit you'll ever need! And at a mere $12,000, it's a steal†.

* Gnomco recommends using Genuine Gnomco Tools™ to service all Gnomco crossbows.
† Despite the quality lockpicks in the kit, Gnomco does not endorse theft, and donates a generous 1‰ of each sale to the Robbed Merchants' Fund.

Universal Multitool

Universal Tool Kit™ not compact enough for you? Introducing the Universal Multitool™. It provides the same great functionality in the form factor of a small knife. Yes, you read that right! Thanks to the wonders of gnomish engineering and advanced Gate magic*, you can have every tool ever in a package that weighs just half a pound. Yours for a mere $51,000, which you'll soon agree is a pittance for the convenience it brings.

* Used under license from the Wizards' Guild. Gnomco is not responsible for Elder Thing incursions resulting from use of the Universal Multitool™.
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Old 07-06-2018, 11:41 AM   #10
martinl
 
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Default Re: Favorite Gnomco Products

Quote:
Originally Posted by tbone View Post
So, does Gnomco have a famed proprietor/founder? The Uncle Al of the dungeoneering world, as it were?
Not yet - the only things I'm sure of is that the head honcho at Gnomco is a gnome, and there are very plausible but unconfirmed rumors that she is a hell gnome instead of a regular PC style gnome.

So if you want to do it I say go for it!

Also, I'm sure Gnomco would love to shill (link to) for your special DF rations!
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