Memorable Quotes. - Page 68

Humorme · 05-12-2012, 07:39 AM

Druid PC: I have Know Direction.
GM: And the druid realizes her life has no meaning.

digoraccoon · 05-18-2012, 07:53 AM

I'm currently running a D&D campaign and one of the players is a cleric of Pelor. He's not good with names so he named himself after his god, Pelor.

DM: "And that blow dealt another 20 points to Pelor."
PC1: "Good greif, why is the cleric getting beaten up so much?"
DM: "His AC is the lowest in the party."
PC1: "Ahhh... that explains why the baddies like ganging up on Pelor."
PC1's wife: "I can't take a religion seriously when their god is constantly being stuffed into a locker."

Flyndaran · 05-21-2012, 11:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by digoraccoon

I'm currently running a D&D campaign and one of the players is a cleric of Pelor. He's not good with names so he named himself after his god, Pelor.
...

Did he not learn from Heracles' parents why that is such a bad idea?

roguebfl · 05-21-2012, 11:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Flyndaran

Did he not learn from Heracles' parents why that is such a bad idea?

He was named after his stepmom. a very very jealous stepmom

Bruno · 05-21-2012, 04:06 PM

Beer and pretzels D&D game today.

The party alone is sort of a punchline:

1 kobold vampire ("I'm an anti-kobold. Human vampires eat humans right? Kobold vampires eat kobolds. That makes me a good guy!")
1 eladrin (a very very elf) literally raised by wolves. We've discovered he was kicked out of the wolf pack because he was an utter failure at wolf-ing. No survival skills, no athletic abilities...
1 human Avenger of Bahamaut, strength 8, weilding a mordenkrad (basically a big anime mallet) - he's only able to actually swing it when using Avenger powers. He was rescued from a crazy splinter cult of Bahamaut where he was raised as a drug-addled child soldier, so he's a little fuzzy on what the Platinum Dragon's actual teachings are.
One dryad witch, who alternates between turning people into little fuzzy animals, blasting their minds with the glory of her presence (like Galadriel in Lord of the Rings), and blasting their minds with dryad nakedness.

I was called in to work today, so I missed the first half of the session, and arrived to introduce my character, an ironborn svirfneblin paladin of domination, reskinned to be "Like a pact-dagger warlock, but with more plate armor and a bigger weapon" (cross out "divine", write in "arcane", and note she's getting the power from a non-god extra-planar force instead of a god).

So that's the first joke right there ;)

Bruno · 05-21-2012, 04:18 PM

The party is helping a peasant revolt; an evil knight has kidnapped the good baron and he and his gang of bandits have occupied the fortress and have been pillaging the countryside. GM decided my svirfneblin tunnelled up into the middle of the melee outside the fortress in a gnomish mole machine, although in my head it was a Dark Iron Dwarf digging machine.

The party and the peasants won the battle, but it was really less a battle and more "the bandits tried to chase off the peons and failed" - the evil knight and the bandits are still fortified inside. Which led to a "cunning plan" on how to sneak inside the fortress in a rescue attempt to fetch out the good Barron, and/or assassinate the evil knight. Whichever we got the opportunity to do.

The "cunning plan" was to disguise ourselves as mercenaries looking to join up with the bandits. All the PCs besides myself were, by this point, known to the bandit leadership so disguise was vital. I swear upon my stack of character sheets, we were stone cold sober when this plan was concocted.

We eventually walked up to the gates with:

The dryad witch using a magic spell to disguise herself (the most sensible thing going on).
The eladrin feral child hiding his big anime ears under his hat and wearing my gnomish goggles to hide his freaky space-elf eyes
The kobold vampire standing on the shoulders of my svirfneblin, big robe over the two of us, and us relying on the Kobold to use his vampire powers to convince the guards we were a dragonborn sorcerer, not a kobold and a gnome.
The human Bahaumut cultist dressed as a page, serving the "dragonborn sorcerer".

The GM spent a lot of time during the planning session clutching his head. It got worse when my husband (who's playing the Eladrin) snuck upstairs and came back downstairs like this... (GM takes a photo and emails it to his wife: "Do you see what I have to put up with?")

Bruno · 05-21-2012, 04:23 PM

Incidentally, the attempt to fast talk our way in the front gates was a bit strained, but eventually went all to pieces. The group was bantering with the bandit guards, trying to establish themselves as belonging to a real mercenary company when I nearly dropped the kobold (who fortunately has good balance). The kobold, in retaliation, told an incredibly racist gnome joke to the bandits. Turns out the bandits not only include some gnomes, but the humans particularly like the gnomes.

Avenger of Bahaumut yells "Split!", the "dragon born" runs in two different directions, as the bandits open fire on us.

I swear I've seen this in a Warner brothers cartoon before.

EDIT: Ended up making a quick doodle of what it looks like when a kobold and a gnome try to pretend to be a dragonborn.

Koshka · 05-28-2012, 08:40 AM

Pulp game yesterday, set in the late 1930s. The PCs have been loaned an advanced seaplane equipped with Lewis guns, the Great War air ace PC is flying it. After rescuing a guy from the Nazis, we've got a Heinkel on our tail. The air ace has just described the tricky dogfighting maneuver he wants to use on said Heinkel to the GM.

Player 1, OOC: You're in a flying Cadillac, and you think you can pull that off?
Player 2 (the air ace), possibly OOC possibly IC: I don't think I can do this, I know I can.

(And he did! Scratch one Heinkel.)

Yami Fowl · 06-05-2012, 01:42 PM

A dwarf warrior, Gilord, carrying a 240 pounds dragon egg enters the town.
Guard: Sir, I'm sorry but we must ask what is thy cargo...
Gilord: You know, I'm a dwarf right? We live underground, you know why? Because we love rocks, and this is my family rock...

The same dwarf warrior, leading an army against undeads.
GM: Gilord, you realize most of your men are dead or unable to fight...
Gilord: Crap, what about the enemies, how are they faring?
GM: All dead...
(Player begins to cheer, as the all other players eye him)
Table: Does un-DEAD ring a bell?

Flameblade · 06-05-2012, 01:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yami Fowl

A dwarf warrior, Gilord, carrying a 240 pounds dragon egg enters the town.
Guard: Sir, I'm sorry but we must ask what is thy cargo...
Gilord: You know, I'm a dwarf right? We live underground, you know why? Because we love rocks, and this is my family rock...

Does this mean that wealthier dwarves have family jewels?

05-12-2012, 07:39 AM	#671
Humorme Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: south carolina, US of A	Re: Memorable Quotes. Druid PC: I have Know Direction. GM: And the druid realizes her life has no meaning. __________________ "You lied to her, Danny?" "I'm also over here killing people, Ru, but that doesn't make me a bad person, does it?"

05-18-2012, 07:53 AM	#672
digoraccoon Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Orlando, FL	Re: Memorable Quotes. I'm currently running a D&D campaign and one of the players is a cleric of Pelor. He's not good with names so he named himself after his god, Pelor. DM: "And that blow dealt another 20 points to Pelor." PC1: "Good greif, why is the cleric getting beaten up so much?" DM: "His AC is the lowest in the party." PC1: "Ahhh... that explains why the baddies like ganging up on Pelor." PC1's wife: "I can't take a religion seriously when their god is constantly being stuffed into a locker." __________________ Dungeon Master Digo "I'm going to start rolling damage dice and then I'll let you know if Saving Throws even matter." The Arbiters Conspiracy comics at its Fnordest.

05-21-2012, 04:06 PM	#675
Bruno Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Canada	Re: Memorable Quotes. Beer and pretzels D&D game today. The party alone is sort of a punchline: 1 kobold vampire ("I'm an anti-kobold. Human vampires eat humans right? Kobold vampires eat kobolds. That makes me a good guy!") 1 eladrin (a very very elf) literally raised by wolves. We've discovered he was kicked out of the wolf pack because he was an utter failure at wolf-ing. No survival skills, no athletic abilities... 1 human Avenger of Bahamaut, strength 8, weilding a mordenkrad (basically a big anime mallet) - he's only able to actually swing it when using Avenger powers. He was rescued from a crazy splinter cult of Bahamaut where he was raised as a drug-addled child soldier, so he's a little fuzzy on what the Platinum Dragon's actual teachings are. One dryad witch, who alternates between turning people into little fuzzy animals, blasting their minds with the glory of her presence (like Galadriel in Lord of the Rings), and blasting their minds with dryad nakedness. I was called in to work today, so I missed the first half of the session, and arrived to introduce my character, an ironborn svirfneblin paladin of domination, reskinned to be "Like a pact-dagger warlock, but with more plate armor and a bigger weapon" (cross out "divine", write in "arcane", and note she's getting the power from a non-god extra-planar force instead of a god). So that's the first joke right there ;) __________________ All about Size Modifier; Unified Hit Location Table A Wiki for my F2F Group A neglected GURPS blog

05-21-2012, 04:18 PM	#676
Bruno Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Canada	Re: Memorable Quotes. The party is helping a peasant revolt; an evil knight has kidnapped the good baron and he and his gang of bandits have occupied the fortress and have been pillaging the countryside. GM decided my svirfneblin tunnelled up into the middle of the melee outside the fortress in a gnomish mole machine, although in my head it was a Dark Iron Dwarf digging machine. The party and the peasants won the battle, but it was really less a battle and more "the bandits tried to chase off the peons and failed" - the evil knight and the bandits are still fortified inside. Which led to a "cunning plan" on how to sneak inside the fortress in a rescue attempt to fetch out the good Barron, and/or assassinate the evil knight. Whichever we got the opportunity to do. The "cunning plan" was to disguise ourselves as mercenaries looking to join up with the bandits. All the PCs besides myself were, by this point, known to the bandit leadership so disguise was vital. I swear upon my stack of character sheets, we were stone cold sober when this plan was concocted. We eventually walked up to the gates with: The dryad witch using a magic spell to disguise herself (the most sensible thing going on). The eladrin feral child hiding his big anime ears under his hat and wearing my gnomish goggles to hide his freaky space-elf eyes The kobold vampire standing on the shoulders of my svirfneblin, big robe over the two of us, and us relying on the Kobold to use his vampire powers to convince the guards we were a dragonborn sorcerer, not a kobold and a gnome. The human Bahaumut cultist dressed as a page, serving the "dragonborn sorcerer". The GM spent a lot of time during the planning session clutching his head. It got worse when my husband (who's playing the Eladrin) snuck upstairs and came back downstairs like this... (GM takes a photo and emails it to his wife: "Do you see what I have to put up with?") __________________ All about Size Modifier; Unified Hit Location Table A Wiki for my F2F Group A neglected GURPS blog

05-21-2012, 04:23 PM	#677
Bruno Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Canada	Re: Memorable Quotes. Incidentally, the attempt to fast talk our way in the front gates was a bit strained, but eventually went all to pieces. The group was bantering with the bandit guards, trying to establish themselves as belonging to a real mercenary company when I nearly dropped the kobold (who fortunately has good balance). The kobold, in retaliation, told an incredibly racist gnome joke to the bandits. Turns out the bandits not only include some gnomes, but the humans particularly like the gnomes. Avenger of Bahaumut yells "Split!", the "dragon born" runs in two different directions, as the bandits open fire on us. I swear I've seen this in a Warner brothers cartoon before. EDIT: Ended up making a quick doodle of what it looks like when a kobold and a gnome try to pretend to be a dragonborn. __________________ All about Size Modifier; Unified Hit Location Table A Wiki for my F2F Group A neglected GURPS blog Last edited by Bruno; 05-22-2012 at 06:07 AM.

05-28-2012, 08:40 AM	#678
Koshka Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Omaha NE	Re: Memorable Quotes. Pulp game yesterday, set in the late 1930s. The PCs have been loaned an advanced seaplane equipped with Lewis guns, the Great War air ace PC is flying it. After rescuing a guy from the Nazis, we've got a Heinkel on our tail. The air ace has just described the tricky dogfighting maneuver he wants to use on said Heinkel to the GM. Player 1, OOC: You're in a flying Cadillac, and you think you can pull that off? Player 2 (the air ace), possibly OOC possibly IC: I don't think I can do this, I know I can. (And he did! Scratch one Heinkel.)

06-05-2012, 01:42 PM	#679
Yami Fowl Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Brazil	Re: Memorable Quotes. A dwarf warrior, Gilord, carrying a 240 pounds dragon egg enters the town. Guard: Sir, I'm sorry but we must ask what is thy cargo... Gilord: You know, I'm a dwarf right? We live underground, you know why? Because we love rocks, and this is my family rock... The same dwarf warrior, leading an army against undeads. GM: Gilord, you realize most of your men are dead or unable to fight... Gilord: Crap, what about the enemies, how are they faring? GM: All dead... (Player begins to cheer, as the all other players eye him) Table: Does un-DEAD ring a bell? __________________ Current Playing: Gurps Fantasy. Current GMing: DnD 3.5 on an original setting. Planning a GURPS Sci-Fi Campaign.