Memorable Quotes.

[Blood Legend]

I washed an atrium floor with moonshine before exploring the rest of a demon infested mansion planning on lighting it in a time of need later. Well that later came up and I'd been chased back to the atrium, the demon melted out of the floor and appeared in front of me. I'd been carrying a lit torch for some time now and just dropped it on the floor.

The demon announces as the floor lights ablaze "You think this is going to do something to a demon born of fire?"

My character flashes a smile as smug as mortally possible then pushes the b*****d down onto the burning floor and books it. As Chanteclaire runs he shouts over his shoulder "ENJOY THE SMOKE!"

[Mark Skarr]

In Gummi's MegaDenver: Teens game, my character Brandi has just been responsible for a major turn of events resulting in someone getting killed (it's complicated). I told Gummi that Brandi is going to need to take some time off. He misunderstood and assumed I meant I was going to retire her.

All OOC (I'm on speakerphone at Gummi's end, his wife is listening in)
Gummi: No, this is great roleplaying opportunity!
Me: I agree, Brandi just needs some time off.
Gummi: No! The school needs this, this is the kind of thing they point to and say "See, being a superhero is hard! You have to be strong."
Me: Um, no, I don't think the school would want to call attention to this sort of thing.
Gummi: Of course they would, it's really great to show how the teens can overcome adversity.
Me: Dude, Brandi's fifteen. This doesn't need to get out.
Gummi: That makes it all the better!
Me: Better?! Dude, okay, let's look at this: Brandi actively tried to seduce Cass, which [angered him] to the point where he did sleep with her and used his curse on her, making her only want him. Doing so caused Cass to violate Edward's rules resulting in Edward running a public spectacle where he killed Cass making sure Brandi had a front-row seat. Then Ed had the audacity to tell Brandi that this wasn't her fault! Yeah, Dawn* is going to want that to go into the school's advertisements!
Darque: (laughing hysterically in the background)
Gummi: Well, when you put it that way . . ..

* Dawn is the school's principal.

[Mark Skarr]

Me: I seem to remember something about Izzy and a vampire with "loose molars."
Ghost-Raven: Ow! My head. Bad GM! No more puns from you.
Me: Don't look at me, that was MonkeyFist. He's also the one who came up with HermaphroKnight.
-----
Me: Well, I would have tried to court Izzy, but she's not really super-villain material. That's why I went with Elliot.
Darque: What?! Of course she is!
MonkeyFist: Izzy is such a poser.
Darque: She is not a poser.
Me: Oh, please, Izzy would balk if she had to eat a kitten!
Darque: *stunned silence as she ponders the thought*
Ghost-Raven: But, Jessica would eat a kitten and she's not evil.
Me: Dude, Jessica will eat anything she can get her mouth around and chew through. She's not a good metric.
Ghost-Raven: True enough.
Ravengriff: Poor kitten.

[Mark Skarr]

I was reading some gaming logs from about a decade ago that had a few gems in it:

Me: "I feel like a Great Dane that's caught a sub-compact: now that I've got it, what do I do with it."

Chance: "Faster than a speeding bullet? More powerful than a locomotive?"
Me: "Just needs to be bullet/blaster proof."
Chance: "A severe allergy to glowing green rocks?"
Me: "Nope, just one to Magical Swords."

Me: "Did you get a look at it on satellite?"
Max: "Yeah, it looked like a mix between a dinosaur and a centipede."
Jolie: "A dinopede?"

Me: Total Recall or Twister
MonkeyFist: Huh?
Me: Which movie should I watch next?
MonkeyFist: No clue.
Me: Twister it is.

[BLloyd607502]

A couple of epic moments from a Space opera RP we did Recently With Me GMing...
(In the first Session not many people turned up, only 2. So they ended up with an AI and a human Sharing a modified one man Fighter Ship. However the next Session 5 or 6 showed up...)

Me: Right. Do you want the bad news, the good news, the very good news the very very good news or the very very very good news First?
Player 1 (Playing ships AI): Bad News
Me: You only have 14 months worth of pure water left on board ship and only 15 months of Oxygen.
P: Oh...Whats the good news.
M: That won't be a problem as you only have 5 months worth of food left....The very good news is, that doesn't matter either as you only have 4 months worth of Toilet paper left...the very very good news is that is irrelivent as you only have 2 months worth of Petrol left...
P (By this point rather Worried):...Whats the very very very good news?
Me: The journey should only take another week...
---
Me: Right. there are 4 of you...you only have 1 bed and a Sofa...How is this going to work...
P1: You could have 2 on each.
(All the other players Disagree)
P2: Right. We'll take Turns on the bed, Doing shifts each night, one on the Sofa, two in the bed and the otehr can Find somewhere else to sleep...
P3: No one is sharing the Bed...
P2: Fine. Someone can Sleep on the toilet If tahts okay with the GM...
GM: Well ti would be uncomfotrable But I guess you could. Right, Night hits P2 has teh bed, P 3 has the Sofa, P4 has the Toilet...P5 where are you...
P5: I'm wrapped up in the giant Pile of Andrex toilet paper we have in the Cargo hold...*Polite Smile*
(The bed was Quality 1 out of 50...the Toilet paper was Quality 14)
GM:.........You are the comfiest Person on the ship...

[Witchking]

I have to say if I had a GM do the last one I would have serious problems in resisting the urge to start an OOC debate on the morality of immediately impaling the GM before he/she could breed...

[BLloyd607502]

Originally Posted by Witchking

I have to say if I had a GM do the last one I would have serious problems in resisting the urge to start an OOC debate on the morality of immediately impaling the GM before he/she could breed...

Actually The Funniest thing about it was the Fact one of the other players had Organised it and all the other players Were in on it...
The Player took it rather well really.

[Mark Skarr]

Izzy (Turning to Chaste): Okay. Rock/paper/scisors.
Peter: What are you two doing?
Izzy: We're deciding who'll call Dawn (the school principal).
Elliot: What? I'll do it.
Elliot (ooc to GM): I'll call my voice mail and have a short conversation.
Me (GM): *nods*
Elliot: Okay, we'll meet you there. Dawn wants us to take Suzi and meet her at Moth Park, she says they're on that side of town.
Eva (ooc): I can't believe he's lying to us.
Izzy (ooc): This is so weird, but I don't have any psychology skills that would be relevant. I've got Vampires and BDSM.
Me: *Laughs* Sure! Go for it. Let's see a 3!
Izzy: *Rolls an 18*
everyone: *Laughs for about ten minutes*
Me: As far as you can tell, this is the most honest Elliot has ever been. He must really have turned over a new leaf.

[Blood Legend]

"I guess I blame myself, he's got size 30 shoes and is wider than I am tall."

P1:"You're not good with social situations are you?"
Me: "I'm what they send when diplomacy fails."

[Cyratos]

Now that you mentioned diplomacy :P

While playing a fantasy campaign, my character was a scholar, who was fascinated with history. He was also a pacifist, with the knowledge of diplomacy. So, a NPC told us to battle their neighbour village, 'cos they always hated them.

Me: But there must be a way! Why fighting!
NPC: Because they are thorns in our feets!
Me: But with proper way, you could stop them with the power of great, mighty diplomacy!
Rufus (warrior PC. Takes out his mace) The only way to beat them is with my great, mighty DIPLOMACE!