06-30-2009, 10:05 PM | #1 |
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Pacheco, California
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Angels cause global warming
By the rules angels require fresh air to breathe, but they don't require either food or water.
Therefore angels release carbon dioxide into the air without removing carbon from the biosphere. So it's not manmade global warming, instead we should blame God. This gives a foolproof test for an angel. Place the subject in an airtight container for half an hour and see if it gains mass. (Why else would you put an angel on a pedestal?) If so take the vessel out and eliminate it, in order to save the planet. This community service message was brought to you by Balseraphs-R-Us who remind you to seek out the Humanity attunement.
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-HJC |
06-30-2009, 10:32 PM | #2 |
Petitioner: Word of IN Filk
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Longmont, CO
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Re: Angels cause global warming
LOL.
On the other hand, you could argue that angels have a very low "carbon footprint." After all ... --Since they're immune to temperature extremes, they technically don't need a living structure, except for appearences. They certainly won't be part of a demand for *new* housing. Saves the trees! --Since they don't need to eat (again, except to keep up appearances), they don't contribute to the demand for methane-generating beef or other ecologically inefficient diets. --They tend to use Tethers for long-distance travel rather than those fuel-burning trains or airplanes. And for short-distance travel, a surprising number seem to prefer motorcycles, which have a much higher MPG than cars. Celebrate the Earth. Hug your Angel. --This message brought to you by the Novalis Peace, Love, Flowers campaign.
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“It's not railroading if you offer the PCs tickets and they stampede to the box office, waving their money. Metaphorically speaking” --Elizabeth McCoy, In Nomine Line Editor Author: "What Doesn't Kill Me Makes Me Stronger" |
07-01-2009, 09:35 AM | #3 | |
Untitled
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: between keyboard and chair
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Re: Angels cause global warming
Quote:
--Brought to you by the Asomedean Council For Playing By The Rules (Whenever It Works To Our Advantage)
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Rob Kelk “Every man has a right to his own opinion, but no man has a right to be wrong in his facts.” – Bernard Baruch, Deming (New Mexico) Headlight, 6 January 1950 No longer reading these forums regularly. Last edited by robkelk; 07-01-2009 at 09:39 AM. |
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07-01-2009, 12:59 PM | #4 |
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Upper Peninsula of Michigan
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Re: Angels cause global warming
While the charge is technically valid, in comparison with the total animal biomass on the Earth, the en-Vesseled angelic population's contribution is negligible and, as our Flowers contingent wishes to add, more than offset by the sequestration provided by Novaline cultivation efforts. More immediate harm reduction could be achieved if Seraphim Council would approve more aggressive ecological defense measures against breathing humans, which concerned audience members are encouraged to support.
--Ecosphere Study Group (Jordite Division). Carbon offset calculations contributed by Novaline and Jeanite Divisions, which abstain from political request above. |
07-01-2009, 02:02 PM | #5 |
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Birthplace of the Worst Pizza on the Planet
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Re: Angels cause global warming
We were Green before Green was cool
Cernunnos, Horned God Currently Hiding with Earth First. (Sacrificing People to Trees since 500 B.C.E) |
07-01-2009, 02:54 PM | #6 |
Join Date: Nov 2004
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Re: Angels cause global warming
While the Infernals can be excused, all Angelic personnel are directed to chapter 5, subsection (e) of the Jeanite Protocols, Interdepartmental Informational Requests. Vessel design represents a compromise between concealment and utility. Meeting bodily needs for food and water was deemed to be unacceptably time consuming, but versimiltude required that Vessels should utilize a carbon/oxygen metabolism like that of Corporeal life. The primary energy source for a Vessel is the Celestial which inhabits it, but that energy must be changed in order to operate in a Corporeal form. One option, evidently the one chosen by our Vapulan counterparts, per the Infernal intelligence provided above, was to create the needed carbon, resulting in the aforenoted destabilization of the Corporeal environment. Our more elegant solution was to utilize the trickle of Essence from the inhabiting angel to decouple the carbon and the oxygen before they leave the lungs, resulting in the Vessel retaining all carbon, and exhaling air identical in composition to that breathed in.
--Vessel Engineering and Design Department |
07-01-2009, 06:34 PM | #8 |
Petitioner: Word of IN Filk
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Longmont, CO
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Re: Angels cause global warming
Nah -- we leave the gas and hot air to the Balseraphs. ;)
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“It's not railroading if you offer the PCs tickets and they stampede to the box office, waving their money. Metaphorically speaking” --Elizabeth McCoy, In Nomine Line Editor Author: "What Doesn't Kill Me Makes Me Stronger" |
07-03-2009, 06:24 AM | #9 | |
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Life imitates art--I'm in Pohang
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Re: Angels cause global warming
Quote:
--Michael (Division of Kiss My A--)
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Criminy...these two have enough issues, they can sell subscriptions! (ladyarcana55, in a PM)
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07-05-2009, 02:20 PM | #10 |
Petitioner: Word of IN Filk
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Longmont, CO
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Re: Angels cause global warming
"They're breathing our air ..."
(Shot of a crowded city sidewalk, centered on a pair of people with shining faces. As they walk past, each nearby person unexpectedly coughs.) "They're burning our gasoline ..." (Shot of a wild Windy screaming down the street in a Harley, followed by a Trader cruising in a Maserati, and an Eliite in a battered VW Beetle) "They're using precious utilities..." (Shot of an angelic group holding a 'war conference' in a home, every light blazing. The clock shows 3 a.m.) "...and they're making a joke of our border controls." (Shot of angels descending from a Heavenly Tether.) "Protect our Earth. Protect our nation. Protect us from ... (A sudden shot of a large CGI glowing halo, that quickly has a "not" symbol slapped over it.) "The Assault From Above." (The words etch themselves in red around the crossed-out halo.) "Tonight at 9 Eastern/8 Central. Heaven forbid." (This network promo brought to you by the Nybbas Broadcasting Corporation.)
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“It's not railroading if you offer the PCs tickets and they stampede to the box office, waving their money. Metaphorically speaking” --Elizabeth McCoy, In Nomine Line Editor Author: "What Doesn't Kill Me Makes Me Stronger" |
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