Angels cause global warming

[hcobb]

By the rules angels require fresh air to breathe, but they don't require either food or water.

Therefore angels release carbon dioxide into the air without removing carbon from the biosphere.

So it's not manmade global warming, instead we should blame God.

This gives a foolproof test for an angel. Place the subject in an airtight container for half an hour and see if it gains mass. (Why else would you put an angel on a pedestal?)

If so take the vessel out and eliminate it, in order to save the planet.

This community service message was brought to you by Balseraphs-R-Us who remind you to seek out the Humanity attunement.

[Rocket Man]

LOL.

On the other hand, you could argue that angels have a very low "carbon footprint." After all ...
--Since they're immune to temperature extremes, they technically don't need a living structure, except for appearences. They certainly won't be part of a demand for *new* housing. Saves the trees!

--Since they don't need to eat (again, except to keep up appearances), they don't contribute to the demand for methane-generating beef or other ecologically inefficient diets.

--They tend to use Tethers for long-distance travel rather than those fuel-burning trains or airplanes. And for short-distance travel, a surprising number seem to prefer motorcycles, which have a much higher MPG than cars.

Celebrate the Earth. Hug your Angel.

--This message brought to you by the Novalis Peace, Love, Flowers campaign.

[robkelk]

Originally Posted by Rocket Man

This message brought to you by the Novalis Peace, Love, Flowers campaign.

And all those flowers appreciate the angels' carbon dioxide, don't they? You're obviously not an unbiased spokesbeing.

--Brought to you by the Asomedean Council For Playing By The Rules (Whenever It Works To Our Advantage)

[William]

While the charge is technically valid, in comparison with the total animal biomass on the Earth, the en-Vesseled angelic population's contribution is negligible and, as our Flowers contingent wishes to add, more than offset by the sequestration provided by Novaline cultivation efforts. More immediate harm reduction could be achieved if Seraphim Council would approve more aggressive ecological defense measures against breathing humans, which concerned audience members are encouraged to support.

--Ecosphere Study Group (Jordite Division). Carbon offset calculations contributed by Novaline and Jeanite Divisions, which abstain from political request above.

[JCD]

We were Green before Green was cool

Cernunnos, Horned God Currently Hiding with Earth First.

(Sacrificing People to Trees since 500 B.C.E)

[Dalillama]

While the Infernals can be excused, all Angelic personnel are directed to chapter 5, subsection (e) of the Jeanite Protocols, Interdepartmental Informational Requests. Vessel design represents a compromise between concealment and utility. Meeting bodily needs for food and water was deemed to be unacceptably time consuming, but versimiltude required that Vessels should utilize a carbon/oxygen metabolism like that of Corporeal life. The primary energy source for a Vessel is the Celestial which inhabits it, but that energy must be changed in order to operate in a Corporeal form. One option, evidently the one chosen by our Vapulan counterparts, per the Infernal intelligence provided above, was to create the needed carbon, resulting in the aforenoted destabilization of the Corporeal environment. Our more elegant solution was to utilize the trickle of Essence from the inhabiting angel to decouple the carbon and the oxygen before they leave the lungs, resulting in the Vessel retaining all carbon, and exhaling air identical in composition to that breathed in.

--Vessel Engineering and Design Department

[hcobb]

Of course methane is a far more potent greenhouse gas, so if angels emit that also then we're clearly doomed.

[Rocket Man]

Originally Posted by hcobb

Of course methane is a far more potent greenhouse gas, so if angels emit that also then we're clearly doomed.

Nah -- we leave the gas and hot air to the Balseraphs. ;)

[tHEhERETIC]

Originally Posted by William

More immediate harm reduction could be achieved if Seraphim Council would approve more aggressive ecological defense measures against breathing humans, which concerned audience members are encouraged to support.

--Ecosphere Study Group (Jordite Division). Carbon offset calculations contributed by Novaline and Jeanite Divisions, which abstain from political request above.

Uh-huh. And naval warfare would reduce the human impact on the environment by reducing human numbers, and creating artificial reefs. But you don't see me going there.

--Michael (Division of Kiss My A--)

[Rocket Man]

"They're breathing our air ..."

(Shot of a crowded city sidewalk, centered on a pair of people with shining faces. As they walk past, each nearby person unexpectedly coughs.)

"They're burning our gasoline ..."

(Shot of a wild Windy screaming down the street in a Harley, followed by a Trader cruising in a Maserati, and an Eliite in a battered VW Beetle)

"They're using precious utilities..."

(Shot of an angelic group holding a 'war conference' in a home, every light blazing. The clock shows 3 a.m.)

"...and they're making a joke of our border controls."

(Shot of angels descending from a Heavenly Tether.)

"Protect our Earth. Protect our nation. Protect us from ...

(A sudden shot of a large CGI glowing halo, that quickly has a "not" symbol slapped over it.)

"The Assault From Above." (The words etch themselves in red around the crossed-out halo.)

"Tonight at 9 Eastern/8 Central. Heaven forbid."

(This network promo brought to you by the Nybbas Broadcasting Corporation.)