Melting Ice Caps Expose Hundreds of Secret Arctic Lairs

[stefanj]

I love The Onion.

"We always assumed there would be some secret lairs here and there, but the sheer number now being exposed is indeed troubling," said noted climatologist Anders Lorenzen, who claimed that the Arctic ice caps have shrunk at the alarming rate of 41,000 square miles per year. "In August alone we discovered 44 mad scientist laboratories, three highly classified military compounds, and seven reanimated and very confused cavemen. That's more than twice the number we had found in the previous three decades combined."

[Buzzardo]

Originally Posted by stefanj

I love The Onion.

That's a great one. I also love the Onion.

[Pragmatic]

The scary thing is, the Onion has been used as a reliable source by some people.

If I recall correctly, a lawsuit against Scottish mega-chef Gordon Ramsay, for instance, quoted from the Onion as to how dangerous Ramsay is.

[sgtcallistan]

Surely, there must be at least two Fortess of Solitudes' in danger of being revealed to the world...

[Irish Wolf]

Yeah, you people think it's just funny, but do you have any idea how few extinct volcanoes there are in the South Pacific? I finally had to settle on a time-share with Dr. Mindbender and Torgan the Dominator! The poor henchmen keep getting confused about whose livery they're supposed to be wearing, and it doesn't help that Torgan kills anyone who gets it wrong. I've tried reasoning with him, and Doc tried mind-controlling him, but as far as we can tell, he doesn't have a mind to bend (or reason with)!

People keep telling us to set up some sort of orbital lair, but of course LEO is crowded with Orbital Mind-Control Lasers and Death-Ray Satellites, and it's very expensive to build private ships to get to any higher orbits (not to mention that stupid group of "heroes" on the Moon who keep shooting down lairs in high orbit...).

I tell you, sometimes it's almost enough to make a guy give up on the whole taking-over-the-world thing!

[Rocket Man]

Originally Posted by Irish Wolf

Yeah, you people think it's just funny, but do you have any idea how few extinct volcanoes there are in the South Pacific? I finally had to settle on a time-share with Dr. Mindbender and Torgan the Dominator! The poor henchmen keep getting confused about whose livery they're supposed to be wearing, and it doesn't help that Torgan kills anyone who gets it wrong. I've tried reasoning with him, and Doc tried mind-controlling him, but as far as we can tell, he doesn't have a mind to bend (or reason with)!

People keep telling us to set up some sort of orbital lair, but of course LEO is crowded with Orbital Mind-Control Lasers and Death-Ray Satellites, and it's very expensive to build private ships to get to any higher orbits (not to mention that stupid group of "heroes" on the Moon who keep shooting down lairs in high orbit...).

I tell you, sometimes it's almost enough to make a guy give up on the whole taking-over-the-world thing!

Whine, whine, whine. With global sea levels rising, the opportunities for a top-secret underwater HQ have never been better! Remember, it's all about location, location, location. (And as for heroes -- well, who worries about Aquaman these days, anyway?)

[Sydney]

Originally Posted by Rocket Man

Whine, whine, whine. With global sea levels rising, the opportunities for a top-secret underwater HQ have never been better! Remember, it's all about location, location, location. (And as for heroes -- well, who worries about Aquaman these days, anyway?)

I hear that Aquaman has been suspiciously missing since he tried to end his romance with Mrs. Paul...

[Anaraxes]

hear that Aquaman has been suspiciously missing

Trust the Gorton's fisherman.

[Blarg]

Originally Posted by Pragmatic

The scary thing is, the Onion has been used as a reliable source by some people.

Hmmm. Yes.

http://www.snopes.com/humor/iftrue/potter.asp

http://www.snopes.com/katrina/satire/sheehan.asp

http://www.snopes.com/humor/iftrue/makeawish.asp

http://www.snopes.com/politics/satire/noabilities.asp

[LKW]

Originally Posted by Irish Wolf

Yeah, you people think it's just funny, but do you have any idea how few extinct volcanoes there are in the South Pacific?

The problem is that even allegedly extinct volcanos tend to blow up. My great-great-grandfather, Captain Nemotode, got blown to glory when someone sold him a lease on Krakatoa -- he just got settled in when everything blew up.