Page 1, Table of Contents - Section 2 is still referred to as "Maps" here when it is "Map" in the actual section.
Page 1, Table of Contents - The sequencing on Combat, Example of Play, CRT, and Optional Rules is awkward. Within the actual document, the order of the sections is Combat, Example of Play, Optional Rules, CRT. I understand the imperative to place CRT as the bottom item on the last page, but that would appear to place it within the Optional Rules section. I would consider exchanging the positions of Example of Play and the Optional Rules + Record Sheets section. that way all of the numbered sections are together with 13.00 following 7.00, then Example of Play, Acknowledgements, then the CRT.
Page 1, Game Components - Counters: I haven't seen the countersheet yet, but I suspect that at least some of "The red/gray units" are Combine GEVs, and not Ogres, especially since the Ogres are most likely "3-D Counter", and are therefore described in the next bullet point.
Page 1, Section Numbering sidebar: Technically, this set (comprising everything in the box) is not a subset of the ODE rules. Only a set of rules can be a subset of another set of rules. I might word it "This rules set, as far as possible..."
1.03: "... the scenarios in this section are good for solo play." There are no scenarios in any other section in this boxed set. I might reword it "these scenarios are good for solo play".
1.04 "... the balance on the starting scenarios takes this into account." No distinction is made, that I can see, dividing the scenarios into "Starting", or any other category. Maybe reword it "The 'Mark III Attack' and the Mark III version of the 'GEV Escort' scenarios"?
Page 4, Ogre Defending scenario: It is not immediately clear to me what "infantry equal to half the attacker's force" means. Veteran players will know that a 3-strength infantry piece is one Armor Unit, but that will not be evident to a new player reading this. I would restate the hard numbers from the Mark III and Mark V Attack scenarios and specify exactly how much infantry the defender gets in each case.
2.00.3: Unless space is at an absolute premium, it may be worthwhile to warn players about the possibility of certain adhesives staining the mapboard, and to test appropriately in an inconspicuous spot.
2.02.1: The ridgeside artwork is not actually a "heavy black marking". "thick line of visible debris" might be more descriptive.
3.01: "stats which give its capabilities". "Describe" might be more accurate than "give" here, but it's basically a stylistic choice.
Page 5 - Howitzer: "non-self-propelled" seems awkward. "Stationary", "Fixed", or "Permanently emplaced" might be better. "Immobile" might be particularly good, since the Howitzer is described using that word in 6.02/
Page 5 - GEV: Terrain doesn't actually affect GEVs any differently than any other unit on this map, and you have already called out their extreme mobility. I would omit the sentence, including the parenthetical insert about water.
I note, on page 5 and at the top of page 6, that we are getting our first visuals of the Combine color scheme. Very nice! The Mark IIIs having different colored sensor spheres is a nice touch.
Page 6 - Ogre types playable in this game: I might use the word "included" instead of "playable", and possibly take the opportunity to call out the other types of Ogres included in ODE.
Page 6 - Ogre types playable in this game - Mark V: Is "Huscarl" the proper name of the occupation of Great Britain? I might reword the sentence "Paneurope also built large numbers of Mark V units after they occupied Great Britain, calling them Huscarl, after the Anglo-Danish warriors that served as the guards and professional soldiers of the late Anglo-Saxon kings of England." Definition from
here.
You may want to source your own.
4.01: You may wish to avoid gendered langauge here. Not all Ogre players are male, though to be fair, the vast majority are.
4.02 - 4. Second (GEV) movement phase: I might put a "See 5.05" here, just to make it very clear from even a first read that GEVs don't move 4 hexes in their second movement phase.
4.02 - Notes: A unit can be disabled by enemy fire, or by being rammed, but does this have any impact on when it recovers? I do not think so. [disregard if I'm misremembering th recovery rules here.] Players of this particular set need to keep track of when a unit is disabled, but not necessarily how. Either way, italicizing "necessary" may be overselling the point.
7.01: The first movement phase is not previously referred to as "the regular movement phase". I might replace the word "regular" with "first".
7.11: "If it becomes disabled on an enemy turn..." Is it even possible for a unit to be disabled on its own player's turn in this rule set?
7.13: "either one specific weapon..." Technically, when you attack an Ogre, you designate a target weapon
type as a target. "I target a SB gun", as opposed to "I target the second SB gun on the port side." I would insert the word "type" after "weapon".
Page 11 - Example of Play: Would it be worth formatting this as a numbered section, rather than as a sidebar?
Page 11 - Example of Play - Paragraph 4: "he". More gendered language here. Just sayin'.
This represents the results of a good first pass. A definite improvement from the last iteration!