I find your intention very good and the result is just ... amazing! That manner of presenting templates clearly shows how GURPS is actually simple and makes want to play that character.
The official manner is useful to save space and for experienced GURPS GMs, of course, but it is absolutely frightening for newcomers.
To quibble a bit, I would remove languages from skills and put them in advantages or create a paragraph just for them - since they don't work like skills.