[PK]

Let me tell you about the worst GM I've ever played under:

Dave was part of our gaming group, which usually played GURPS and WoD. Dave's brother Mark was in town for a few weeks and wanted to run a 3-4 session D&D adventure for us. We all made characters and showed up for the first session . . . where Mark announced that "this adventure only works if one of you is an anti-paladin." (Would've been nice to know that earlier.) None of us want to play that, but after some grousing, Ken reluctantly agrees to change his character and we help him make one quickly.

So now we're ready to play, and Mark starts us off . . . by taking Ken into another room. For an hour. Finally, Ken walks out, somewhat upset, and says, "Just remember that this wasn't my idea." Mark then begins calling each of us into the other room for 15-minute one-on-one adventure intros.

I happened to be last. Mark tells me that my character (a chaotic good psi) is walking down the road when some guy jumps out and kills me. Bam, dead. Now I'm in Hell (why?) and a demon tells me that I can burn forever . . . or . . . I can be returned to life if I swear to serve Ken's anti-paladin. I look at Mark and say, "I refuse. Guess I'm being tortured."

Mark is shocked and confused -- why would I make that choice? I ask him to pull up the email I sent him where I summarized my character as, "Firmly opposed to any institution of servitude; slavers are his mortal enemies and he'll even try to bring down shops or houses that use indentured servants."

Mark is upset. He explains that this adventure doesn't work unless I say yes. He whines . . . a lot. Finally I give in, undermining my entire character concept, just to keep things moving. I walk out into the living room, and everyone's look tells me that we're sharing the same pain.

But we push through and begin the adventure. There's some exposition and then a fight with some orcs. As the melee fighters scuffle, Jason (a mage) asks, "Can I hit one of the orcs with a Fireball spell?"

Mark responds, "Of course! Just mark it off." When Jason does so, Mark continues, "Your Fireball explodes, hitting everyone in the combat. Everyone in the melee takes 18 points of damage!"

Everyone turns to Mark, angry, as Jason protests, "Wait! I wouldn't throw an area effect attack. I asked you if I could hit an orc with it."

"Right, you can. And you did. Along with everyone else."

"Then I wouldn't do that."

"Too late. You said you did. No take-backs."

At this point, no one is having fun, but we trudge through regardless. It's about then that Dave shows up (he had to work late). His "Hey guys, how's the game going?" is met with shrugs. He pulls out his character sheet and sits down. (Mark had already done the "one-on-one intro" thing with him.)

So our group encounters a stranger (Dave's PC) on the road. He says he was told to follow Ken's anti-paladin (shocker!) but we're wary since we were attacked from this direction. As the fighters hold him, I use my mind-reading psi on him. "First things first," I demand, "What's your name?"

"Galen Lampoor."

I look at Mark and ask if he's being honest. Mark tells me no, he's lying. So I turn back. "Look, stranger, that was your one free mistake. The next one costs your life. What is your name?"

"Seriously, it's Galen Lampoor. Honest!"

I look at Mark, who says he's still lying to me. So I turn back to Dave, "Dude, why are you messing with us? C'mon, this is wasting time." At which point, David hands me his character sheet, with GALEN LAMPOOR at the very top. I turn to Mark and ask, "What the hell, man?"

Mark's response: "Well you see, Galen Lampoor isn't his True Name. That's just what he goes by, but everyone in this world has a True Name that they may or may not even know."

We all stare at Mark for a long moment. Then I hand David his sheet, set mine down, and calmly gather my things to leave. A few seconds later, everyone else (except Dave, who lived here) does the same. Mark asked, "So, uh, you guys want to break here? That's cool. We can do this again Thursday?" A few of us shake our heads as we all quietly walk out the door and away from that game for good.