[Icelander]

After the rough-looking swamp Cajun 'Nonc' Morel is caught with his hand in the pocket of young Alice Talbot, trying to steal some diamonds, they scuffle and he goes flying away, landing on the diamonds, clasping them desperately as Ms. Talbot chases after him...

'Nonc' Morel (PC): "MINE!!!"
Teddy Smith (PC): "Should we do something about this?"
Lucien Lacoste (PC): "Dude, that's sexual assault."
'Nonc' Morel (PC): "No, no, no, you're misunderstanding! I was adjusting our common inventory! After all, I could need one of these diamonds for magical purposes later, like when I saved us just now, with the cool wind spell, right? I just need them, because, well, I'm the wizard. Druid. All-saving, all powerful Cajun Jesus. It honestly wasn't sexual in any way."
Lucien Lacoste: "Miss, if you want to press charges, I can help you through it."
'Nonc' Morel: "Honestly, you're looking at this all wrong. I don't feel very appreciated. I mean, didn't I just save all our lives?"
Lucien Lacoste: "I don't think you've been to the HR seminar on hostile work environments. We had to fill out questionnaires and everything. And that's sexual harassment. Not cool, man."
GM (OOC): "He was groping the helpless young girl. While riding a conveyance designed for transport, in this case a magical sky schooner. He's a TRANSPORT GROPER!"
Smith's player (OOC): "I thought he was Gandalf. Instead, he's been Gollum all this time."
Alice Talbot's player (OOC): "You're like a magic-meth addict. Shame on you, Gandalf-on-meth."

After a tense standoff between 'Nonc' Morel and Don Rafael and his crew, who took the side of the innocent Alice Talbot in the dispute, there ensues a long, rambling in character attempts to explain why 'Nonc' Morel should be carrying the diamonds and he felt that the situation was tense enough without asking flat-out, so he anticipated events and he absolutely did not mean to brush against Ms. Talbot's buttocks or any other part of her anatomy... although, just for future reference, she probably shouldn't carry common inventory items in such personal places anyway...

Alice Talbot (PC): "So now you're victim-blaming me?"
'Nonc' Morel (PC): "Who's a victim? I barely touched you, totally non-sexually. If anyone's a victim, it's the diamonds you weren't using, even when you really should have, because Nazis on a zeppelin were shooting bombs at us. Really, what you need to keep in mind is that I've been saving you and I'm going to keep saving you, with the diamonds and my magic."
Lucien Lacoste (PC): "Sir, I'm going to advise you to stop talking."
'Nonc' Morel: "I'm sorry if I offended Ms. Talbot, but like I said, the diamonds are vital quest items, totally common inventory, and shouldn't be kept near anyone's buttocks or other personal spaces. It just leads to confusion like this."
Lucien Lacoste: "You have the right to remain silent."
Teddy Smith: "And should probably exercise it until you stop sounding guiltier with every word."
GM (OOC): "This pirate ship has rules, goddamn it. They won't tolerate groping or any hint of a hostile work environment."
Alice Talbot (OOC): "Maybe it's just the comparison with the inhuman abominations that are the Men of Leng, the actual, literal Nazis and Gropey-McGollum over there, but these pirates seem like real stand-up guys to me."
Lucien Lacoste (OOC): "I still maintain that we really had no business getting involved. We don't know what these guys may have done. Maybe they did something so terrible that even Nazis were like, whoa!"
Everyone, chiming in with variations (OOC): "Really? That's the hill you're gonna die on? That maybe the literal Nazis aren't so bad?"
Lucien Lacoste (OOC): "I'm just saying, if you think about it, pirates are just as bad as Nazis."